Just a vent

Hah just BS

Ok, I'm sick and tired of life in general. I'm going to look back on this and delete it and think oh how cringey is this shit but for now I need to get this out.

I'm a smol bean, I know, but hear me out ok?

I feel as if I'm being forced or pushed into something I don't want to be in. If you know what I'm talking about you'll understand but don't worry. Being forced to do something makes me not want to do it or to completely just back away. And when people around  me keep fucking pushing I feel like there's no damn point in trying to do anything I'm just so?? Like;; first off, stop and kys, second I have SOOO many things I want to say and scream and yell to someone who will listen but none of my friends would give a fucking shit and if they would I don't want to tell them because they wouldn't comprehend what I'm saying so like.. the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't get this shit out anywhere else,,

I feel like I'm trying so hard to be a people pleaser and I'm not focusing on myself like what do I actually want?? I dunno I'm so used to being pushed and shoved into situations which somehow just work out,, I'm not taking charge I'm not doing anything, I'm just a worthless piece of meat hanging around trying to figure out myself when myself is just so confusing and clouded up...

I feel like I'm a mean bitch who don't give no fucks but in reality I care so much about others and I want to help and make people's dreams come true I'm just so confused with myself,, I dunno if I'm a bitch and self centred or I care too much of what other people think of me,, like this is getting to me and I just wanna end it. Dead straight.