A Lifetime's Worth

Chapter 11

"I'm sorry about the absence." Parker said solemnly. "I'm guessing you now what happened.."

Ariana thought maybe she heard Parker's voice quaver when he said that last bit. Last night after she read the message, she had tried a lot to reason with herself, to remind herself that Natasha was right and there was no sense in what she wanted. But the very next day she found herself at Parker's apartment. I'm just being a friend, she thought. We are still friends.

"I'm so sorry about your Grandpa." She said. It broke her heart to see Parker like that. It looked like all he has done for the past days was cry. He probably hadn't even showered ever since he got back from his Grandpa's funeral. He obviously hadn't shaved. Ariana figured it probably wasn't the best time to talk about the test. "Were you close to him?" Stupid question. Of course he was. Just look at him. Ariana half expected him to ask her to get out and leave him be.

"Come with me." He said instead and started walking towards his bedroom. Ariana followed.

"You see that?" He pointed towards his laptop. His Facebook page was open.

"What am I...?"

"The cover picture."

At a signal from him, Ariana went over to his bed and clicked on it. It was a picture of him with his Grandpa, captioned 'Everything.' Ariana couldn't help but notice that it was dated January 9, 2014. He hadn't changed his cover picture for almost two years.

"That was the last time I saw him. Well, alive." He said.

Ariana froze. She didn't know what to say.

"I never had the time, you know? College, internships, girlfriends, they took up most of the time." He continued. Parker sat at the corner of the bed. Ariana sat beside him. "There was nothing I didn't tell him. Ever since I was a kid. Its like he was my rock. Always there for me. I never thought he'd go away. So when he fell ill, I thought it was just a passing thing. I told him he'd be ok, that there was someone that I wanted him to meet and there was no way he was going anywhere without seeing her. He joked so much about that."

Ariana could feel Parker tearing up beside her. But there was something else that made her feel like someone stabbed her in the heart and punched a hole in her stomach. He wanted someone to meet his Grandpa. He has a girlfriend.

"And then his health deteriorated. He kept asking me to come see him for one last time but I never did. Told him I didn't need to cause he obviously wasn't dying anytime soon. But the truth was I didn't want him to die. I just kept thinking that maybe if I didn't go see him, he would keep waiting for me. So I kept doing more things here. Kept myself engaged, even on holidays or weekends. Just in order to keep my mind off him. To distract myself. But then that day the phone call came."

The day he took our test.

Parker's silence confirmed her thoughts. "The doctors told the didn't have much time. So I took the next fight out. But I couldn't make it in time."

Ariana sensed that Parker was on the verge of breaking down but had kept his composure just because she was there. Tears were already rolling down his cheek. His pecfect, perfect cheekbones. SHUT UP. Ariana thought now would be a good time to change the subject.

"I am so sorry we didn't do well in that test. We just added on to your tensions. I am so sorry. I promise I'll work harder. I'll put in a lot more hours. I'll take this more seriously." Ariana pleaded.

Parker looked at her. He smiled through his tears.

"I know you already are."

Ariana gave him a puzzled look.

"So apparently someone has been going practicing her numericals rigorously. And that too in the library." He continued. Ariana stared at him in shock. How the hell did he know? "Martha told me." He clarified, laughing at her horrified face. "Was I not supposed to know that?" he asked.

"NO." Ariana muttered disgracefully under her breath so Parker could not hear her. She had not wanted anyone knowing about that. Stupid Martha. Why the fuck did she have to...wait.. "Martha has already been here to see you?" Ariana asked.

"Oh, no." Parker replied shortly and looked away. Ariana decided not to push it, considering the situation. She'd ask Martha herself later.

"Listen to me." Ariana said to softly as she realized that the atmosphere had relaxed a bit. About your Granddad, you didn't want him to go cause you love him. And he knew that. And he loves you. Even though he's gone. Your Grandpa would have been proud of you." She said as she unconsciously placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Oh yeah?" Parker said in a what-the-hell-do-you-know tone.

"Obviously. I mean, look at you. You're in one of the best colleges, you earn enough to pay your own rent, you've landed internships, you teach in your extra time instead of boozing and partying away with your college buds. Hell, you even got me to start doing Math. No one has ever been able to do that before, not even my dad."

Parker turned to face her. "Well, you make me sound boring. Except for the last bit. That's pretty cool." He smiled.

"Well, I think you are the most amazing person I've known. Even the last bit." Ariana said as she stared into Parker's brown eyes. It was only after a few seconds that she realized how close they were. Too close. And that they were moving closer. Ariana closed her eyes. It was all blacking out anyway. There were all sorts of thought racing through her mind. So many that she couldn't even decipher what those thoughts were. There was Natasha with her 'Are you crazy?', Parker with his 'Holy Crap you are really pretty ', then there was her own mind ringing like a flatlining ventilator and above all there was her heartbeat racing miles in an hour. Presently she felt Parker's smell filling up her nostrils, his nose brushing ever so slightly past her's, his unkept beard prickling her softly on the chin, his breath on her mouth. She moved her hand from his shoulder to his chest. From what she could feel, his heartbeat was trying to outpace her own. Then suddenly Parker's '..wanted him to meet someone..' flashed across her brain. Wait what is he doing? He has a girlfriend! '..kept myself engaged..even on weekends..distracted..' And almost as a reflex, just as his lips were going to touch hers, that hand on his chest pushed him away as Ariana stood up with a jump.

"I'm your distraction!" Ariana said.

"What?" He asked, totally taken aback.

"That distraction, that's me, isn't it? You just use me to keep your mind off things, isn't it? First when you Granddad was ill and now that... You have a girlfriend. I'm just the distraction."

"What?" Parker couldn't believe his ears.

"And here I thought..." Ariana said, her face having an expression of hurt, disbelief, anger and surprise, all at once. "I have to go."

"Ariana, wait! What are you talking about?" Parker called out as she picked up her bag and rushed out of his apartment.

"ARIANA!" he called out again but she was gone.