I will find you, I promise.

Chapter 1

Hi everyone, my name is Beatrice K. Adams but everyone calls me Bea. Oh and by everyone I mean my mum and my best friend Charlotte. I don't know what the 'K' stands for but I think it's my real mum's last name, whatever that is. Anyway, I was put up for adoption when I was born and of course I never met my mum. I was adopted by a lovely family and I couldn't have asked for more. Until Mark (my 'dad') was found cheating on my 'mum' (Lucy) and he left. Now it's just me and her. Things are good, not great but we get by.
Did I mention i'm just slightly obsessed with Anna Kendrick? You know, that actress from Pitch Perfect with the perfect skin and hilarious tweets? Her. I am the typical fan girl with a fan account on Instagram and my camera roll consists of her and only her. That's weird i'm sorry.
Now, for about 3 years I've felt depressed and suicidal. It's not that big a deal, I only started self harming last year and I've stopped for the most part. I think what brought it on was the fact that I can't make friends that well and social situations make me freak out. I'm not exactly bullied at school but i'm just not included and people look at me weirdly if I ever put my hand up in class. As a result, I sit at the back and keep my ideas to myself. So, I don't go out that often which is fine because my best friend understands.
I met Charlotte in primary school when I was about 3 years old and we immediately became best friends. We still are 12 years later and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to play with me in that sand pit. We talk every day and when i'm feeling up for it, hang out and go on mini dates, it's quite cute actually. There's only one thing that I've never told her and that's that I self harm(ed). I just don't want it to change anything or for her to make me tell someone. Which is bad I know but i'm really trying to help myself. Anna and Charlotte are the only things I live for now and I couldn't ask for better people to admire.
Today is Monday and I hate Monday's. I think everyone does but there's a specific reason why I do. Monday is the day when Charlotte has drama club at lunch and so, i'm left to fend for myself in the dark sea of teenage wannabes who's egos are sky high. Usually I sit in the library and re-read Harry Potter for the millionth time but today i'm going to brave it and eat my lunch in the dining hall.
Why do I do this to myself? I always get worked up about things and they never end up happening. I walked into the dining hall and immediately now my head at the site of the 'populars' sat at a table. I call them the populars because even though pretty much everyone who isn't a popular hates them. And yet, they still feel the need to announce their presence and make it very clear that you are not on their level. Anyway, I make my way to the back corner and get out my book (Gone. GO READ!) and lunch and start to immerse myself in the world of the reading.
"Book worm! Yoo who, anyone in there?!"
I snapped back to reality and looked up.
"Hello freak." Sarah Thompson smiled an evil smile.
"H-hello?" I murmured back to the head popular girl.
"I see that you're sat alone. Where's your freak friend?" She laughed.
"D-drama club." I whispered back.
"I-i'm s-s-sorry I c-can't here y-you." She mocked me and pushed my lunch off the table. "Enjoy the sandwich fatty."
She walked away with her group of so-called friends, laughing and pointing at me.
I look at the mess from my lunch on the floor and quickly pack away my things, scoop it into the bin and run for the door. Tears stung my eyes but I kept running towards the bathroom. I collapse on the floor in the cubicle and cry into my knees. Maybe she's right, I am fat. I don't even know why i'm crying when I know it's true.
I stand, dust off my legs and walk to the floor length mirror. My thighs stick out immediately and I pull at my stomach.
"You're stupid and ugly, how could anyone love you?!" I spat at the mirror.
I wiped away the stray tears that had fallen down my cheeks and locked myself in the cubicle.
My fingers reached into my mouth and down my throat. It's the only way, my brain shouted. I forced my fingers down and my stomach lurched. The pain seared up my throat and I threw my head backwards. My head hit the toilet roll holder and my eyes closed.
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*about 10 minutes later*
My eyes spring open and I remember where I am. I flush the toilet and check the time. It's 2:25 and I have class in 5 minutes. My clothes are surprisingly clean so I quickly wash my hands and rinse my mouth with water. I flatten my hair and stare at myself in the mirror.
What did you do, Bea? Why did you do this to yourself?
I didn't have an answer for those questions but hopefully I can find one.
The bell rings in my ears and I make my way out of the toilet.
"Bea!" Charlotte shouted from across the hall. "Hey, wait up!"
I keep walking, head down and eyes diverted. I manage to make it into class and I quickly head to the back.
"You look sick, freak." Sarah laughed as she stuck out her porcelain foot and tripped me.
"Sarah!" Miss Smith shouted. "There was no need for that."
"Sorry, Miss." She continued to laugh and turned to stare at me.
I picked up my books and slid into my seat. My head was spinning, so I pulled out my water bottle and some paracetamol.
"Beatrice, are you okay?" My teacher asked with genuine concern.
A tear slid down my cheek as I whispered: "No..."
My eyes rolled back and I felt my teachers warm hands wrap around my side as I slid off my chair.
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A/N Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please leave comments and vote, it will tell me that you want me to continue. I am going to try and update (hopefully) every week and maybe twice a week. Ily guys <3

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