should've kissed you

IV

Fingers intertwined, eyes locked, tangled up in sheets. he was hers and she was his. Finally finally finally.
"Can't believe it," he whispered to her. The candles throughout the room caused shadows to flicker over her face. "Can't believe we belong to each other after all this time." His hand found her cheek, his thumb caressing her bottom lip. "It's like a dream."
"Hmm," she hummed, barely able to keep her eyes open after their big day. "I've never been happier. Everything is perfect," she said with a soft smile on her lips, turning her head to kiss the palm of his hand.
"You're perfect, I mean that," he said barely loud enough for her to hear, adjusting himself to kiss her shoulder and neck. "I love you."
her eyes fluttered open at that, and she whispered, "and I you," before running a hand through his hair.
"I should put out the candles," he said absentmindedly. "We'll sleep better in the dark, hmm?" He moved to stand but she caught his arm.
"Stay with me," she pleaded.
that's all he needed to hear. He grinned and hummed an "as you wish, baby," in his wonderfully deep voice, rough with mischief. Her wrists were taken in his hands and pinned to the pillow on either side of her head. "Just means I can do this." And he kissed her ever so softly, being so gentle that it was almost painful for the both of them. But he knew what she wanted and he was happy to give it to her. His mouth traveled to her collarbone, marking her as his, completely and wonderfully his.
Her hands found his hair as his traveled to her hips, squeezing them, and she marveled at how lucky she was to call him hers, completely and wonderfully hers.

---

Hair tangled, hands shaking, throats sore from screaming. she was his, but was he hers?
"I swear, harry, if you don't tell me the truth I'll..." she took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "I'll pack my things and go. Right now."
He tugged on his hair in frustration. He wanted to tell her so badly, but he was terrified. But if he didn't tell her, she'd continue to assume that he loved someone else. How could she think that? After everything they'd been through. After all the early mornings he'd spent holding her close and the rainy days he'd spent kissing away her tears and the sleepless nights he'd spent tangled in her. After all the love he'd shown her, because he really truly did love her with everything he had, so much that it hurt, how could she think he loved anyone but her?
but then, how could she not? After all the mornings she'd woken to an empty space beside her and all the days she'd spent alone and all the nights she'd wondered where he could possibly be. How could she not think he was seeing someone else? What else was she supposed to think?
But she was wrong, so horribly wrong. And maybe his confession would be easier to make if she wasn't so wrong. If, along with all of the chaos going on inside him, threatening to take him away from her at any moment, he'd spent his mornings and days and nights holding and kissing and tangling with another. But she was wrong. So horribly, awfully, terribly wrong.
He grabbed her shoulders, eyes pleading for her to please listen to what he had to say.
"I am," he cried. "I am telling you the truth when I say that I would never, ever hurt you like that. Ever."
She shook her head in disbelief. "Then what could you possibly be hiding from me?"
He said it, he finally said it. He couldn't take it anymore so he said it. He couldn't stand the thought of her thinking he didn't love her. He said it and the fire in her eyes was immediately extinguished.
"I'm dying," he whispered in her ear, trying his best to hide the tears he'd desperately tried to hold back. "I'm dying, okay?"
Voice trembling, tears pouring, hearts shattering. She was his but he wouldn't be hers for much longer.

---

"You can't leave me, not like this," she whispered against his lips, being careful as she could not to hurt him. He was so fragile and small. He was dying. Her heart ached at the thought. She was his but he was dying out, fading away, slipping through her fingers, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
"I'm sorry," she whispered between kisses that tasted like tears. "I'm so sorry." 
He knew what she meant, what she was apologizing for, but he only wanted to kiss her. He couldn't stop kissing her. His moments left with her were limited, and he wanted so badly to be hers, all hers, for every second he had left.
"You're even pretty in the dark," he murmured softly through the pitch black. His hand found her bare hip in the darkness and he caressed the soft skin there, sweetly tracing loving patterns beneath her t-shirt. She felt that she could hardly breathe due to the sensation of his soft, gentle touch. All she could think about was how sorry she was for ever doubting him. She'd spent so much time screaming at him and begging him to tell her what he was hiding, completely unaware that those moments were some of the last moments they'd have.
Slowly, and with difficulty, she was rolled over beneath him and he stared down at her a moment before his lips met hers once again. "Be careful," she warned him. His breathing was labored and his heartbeat fast, and she knew his energy was faltering. "Don't overwork yourself or anything. Please," she continued gently.
"Like it better when you're under me," he explained as his lips traveled to her collarbone. "Can take care of you better this way."
"I'm so sorry," she said almost pleadingly as his forehead was pressed to hers. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."
"Shh." His hands were cold and shaky against her hips and she shivered beneath him as he left a trail of kisses down her neck before nipping softly at her skin. "It's okay, baby. Just let me take care of you one more time."
She was overcome with sadness at the thought of the reminders of him that would be left on her skin once he was gone, never to return. Tears of guilt and sorrow slowly fell down her cheeks as she threaded her fingers through his hair. He knew she was crying, though she tried her best to hide it. He kissed away her tears, begging her not to cry. He hated it when she cried; he hated seeing her this way. "You'll be okay, my love. I promise," he said, and she was too distraught to argue.
He lay his head on her stomach, wrapping his arms around her and closing his eyes. "'m tired, petal," he murmured weakly, his voice shaking. "So tired."
She began running her fingers through his hair, comforting him. "I know, baby," she replied softly. She was tired, too, but she was afraid that if she slept, he would be gone when she awoke. Oh no. Sleep would have to wait. She could tell by his pale complexion and shaky hands that it wouldn't be much longer. He wouldn't last until morning.
She'd tried to convince him to go to the hospital so that his passing would at least be as painless as possible, but he refused.
"I don't want to spend my last moments in a room that smells like disinfectant, hooked up to a bunch of machines," he said. "I want to spend them with you."
And how could anyone expect her to fight him on that?
She was startled as he slipped his fingers through hers, bringing her hand to his lips. "Need sleep, love," he whispered, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. "Wish i could just sleep."
"You can," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze. "It'll be okay. Just try."
He sighed a little sigh, looking up at her. "Might not wake up," he confessed, but she already knew.
"Shh, I know, it's okay," she assured him, but it wasn't. "Sleep, baby."
"Love you so much, petal. Don't have the words. 'm just so tired," he said in a voice that was so quiet and shaky that she could barely understand. With that, he let out another sigh and closed his eyes.
And he was right. He didn't wake up. When the sun rose and shone through the window, he was gone. She couldn't do a thing but hold him and weep and hold him even tighter, begging him to come back even though she knew he wouldn't and whimpering desperate apologies against his cold skin. He'd died out, he'd faded away, he'd slipped through her fingers, and there was nothing she could do to change it. He was no longer hers, but she would forever be his.