A Part Of You I'd Never Seen (Daryl Dixon/TWD)

Chapter 11: What Happened?

Daryl's P.O.V

~~~~~

I knew that apologizing to Kate was the right thing to do. I may be an asshole, but I have morals. Hurting someone intentionally who only wanted to do good for me was wrong, in so many ways. Even I could see that. If Merle were here, I knew exactly what he'd say.

"Gone soft baby bro? What do I always tell ya? You think you could protect her in this kind of world? You couldn't even save your big brotha."

Merle was in my head sometimes, even though he had been dead for a while. He was always there telling me the shit I didn't want to hear.

Kate knew now that I didn't want to be with her. I couldn't. I wanted to, really, but that was something she could never know. The Merle in my head was right. Not only did she deserve someone a million times better than me, but I couldn't guarantee her protection. Not in this world. I couldn't lose anyone else. I couldn't love her.

But I wanted to.

Friendship was the closest I'd ever let her get to me, but even then it was hard to keep myself from falling for her. I've never been in love before; never had a real relationship. I couldn't explain why. I just never let anyone close enough.

I guess part of the reason was Merle, always telling me he was the only one who would ever love me. Who would want me? Exactly. Nobody. Even Kate would get past her fleeting crush on me, and then she'd end up with someone who deserved her.

~~~~~

The sun was setting by the time I had finished my work for the day. I couldn't complain, Aaron hadn't dragged me on a recruitment trip since we brought back Kate. He was real invested in some sorta project. I made my way across town, running into Carol. 

"Hey you," she called with a smile. "Haven't seen you around much."

I shrugged, looking down and wondering if I should talk to her about Kate. "Listen," I started, shifting my weight from foot to foot awkwardly. "You know a lot about, like, girls an' shit?" I asked nervously, biting my thumb. 

"Is this about Kate?" she nudged me and grinned wide, making my face heat up. 

"No," I answered instantly, "Forget it, never mind."

"Oh please, Daryl! You know you can talk to me. Do you like her or something?"

"I dunno. I've never really liked a girl before."

"That is adorable. Does she like you?" 

I scoffed at her use of the word adorable, "Yeah, she does."

"Then what are you waiting for?" 

"That's the thing. I feel like I can't let myself have this kind of thing. In this kind of world."

"Listen, Dare," Carol put her hands on my shoulders and made me look her in the eye. "This world needs more love. Your days are never guaranteed, and everyone knows that. And despite that, you still see people falling in love more and more every day. Babies are surviving. Maggie is pregnant. I think if those things can happen, you can give a relationship a chance."

I stood quietly and thought about it. 

"You never know. Maybe she's the one. Would you rather deny your love for her, and then if she dies regret never telling her?"

I shrugged.

"There's a quote that says, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.' Think about it. You're a smart man," She gave my shoulder a pat and walked away, a small smile on her face. 

Everything she said replayed in my head. I tried to imagine an actual relationship. In this world. In Alexandria. With Kate. I sat on the curb of the road and folded my hands. I pictured Kate's house, but it was mine too. I could see myself laying next to her in bed, her feathery hair messily covering her face. Then we were in the kitchen, sitting like how we always seem to sit; her on the counter and me leaning against the island counter. I could see her sitting against my chest on the couch, swishing her wine in her glass and laughing at a stupid joke she said. I could see it. I could see her. Maybe Carol was right. Maybe she's my future.

"Daryl?" My head snapped up and there she was, in front of me. "What's wrong?" Kate folded her arms and gently approached me.

"Jus' thinkin'," I shrugged, biting my thumb.

"Mm. Well what are you thinking about?"

Shrug. "Somethin' Carol said."

Kate nodded and smiled slightly. I matched it with my own, and let my thumb fall from my face. "Well I'll leave you to your thinking. I've gotta quick run with Glenn and a couple others. Catch ya later." She turned to leave before I stood and called out to her.

"Kate," she looked over her shoulder and stopped. "Be careful out there."

She smiled wide, her eyes crinkling and her imperfectly perfect teeth showing. "Careful, Daryl, you'll make people think you care about me."

~~~~~

The next morning came all too soon, and I made my way to the front gate to keep watch as soon as I got up. I had to keep myself busy, it was the only way I could stop myself from thinking about Kate.

As I neared the gate, a chorus of screams erupted from what sounded like just down the road. I quickened my pace and caught up to Abe, who was standing with Sasha listening intently.

"The hell is that?" I questioned as I moved a bit closer.

As they drew closer you could make out what the screams were saying.

"OPEN THE GATES! OPEN THE GATES, IT'S KATE! HURRY OPEN THE GATES!"

As I heard her name roll off their tongues I sprang into action, "It's Kate!" I yelled to Abraham, and he soon joined me in opening the gates. Almost as soon as they were open, in sprinted Heath and Tara, with Glenn trailing behind them. He held Kate in his arms and sank to the ground a few feet away from me, panting like mad. Sasha took out the few walkers that were attracted by the noise closed the gates.

"What happened!?" I yelled, falling next to Glenn and pulling the unconscious Kate onto my lap. Blood splattered her face and body, her abdomen completely soaked and sticky.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"