The Big Bible of copypastas.

The "I identify as a..." copypastas.

Attack Helicopter

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Meme.

I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Graph paper.

I sexually identify as graph paper. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sorting over the grid drawing beautiful graphs on math homework. People say to me that a person being graph paper is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon tattoo rows, columns and 3 hole punches on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Grid" and respect my right to draw graphs and solve equations. If you can't accept me you're a papyrophobe and need to check your graphing privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Ghost pirate.

I sexually Identify as a ghost pirate. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sailing the undead seas searching for the afterlife of dave jones' locker . People say to me that a person being a ectoplasmic-sea captain is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm sp00ky. I'm having an ethereal cutlass created, a 17th century french sloop and a ghostly crew of shanty singers bought. From now on I want you guys to call me "deadbeard" and respect my right to kill rival poltergeist and photonically phase my being into the next realm . If you can't accept me you're a phantom-buccaneerphobe and need to check your undead-aquatic privilege. Thank you for being so understanding matey.

Navy seal.

I sexually identify as a Navy Seal. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of being the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. People say to me that having over 300 confirmed kills is impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a secret network of spies trace your IP right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. From now on, you're fucking dead, kiddo. If you can't accept me you need to check your gorilla privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Pringle.

I sexually identify as a single, Pringle, ready to mingle. Ever since I was a potato I dreamed of being thin sliced, covered in disgusting oil then heated in a medium oven until reaching climax at the micro second of golden-browness. People bully me, and say things like "what the fuck, you aren't a Pringle", but I know deep down they are just jealous of my inner beauty. I have already started hiding in cylinders all day, and now im improving my crunchiness by regularly burning my sides on the stove. I want you guys to respect my natural ability to instantly satisfy low salt carb cravings, and if you don't you are oppressing me, and you should check your diabetes type. Thank you for being so understanding.

Missile.

I sexually Identify as an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Atlantic ocean ready to release my destructive cargo on filthy commies'. People say to me that a person being a weapon of mass destruction is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having ex-Nazi scientists install tungsten plating, 3 stage rockets and a Nuclear warhead on my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as "ICBM" and "WMD" as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to wipe entire cities and cultures from the face of the Earth. If you can't accept me you're Hippy-Trash and need to check your rocket privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Walrus.

I sexually Identify as a walrus. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of sliding on cold ice with my manly genitalia. People say to me that a person being a walrus is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I already choped my arms and feet off and practice robbing around in my bathtub using my fingers as tusks. From now on I want you guys to call me "Arcticus" and respect my right to lay around on an iceberg and dive for free fishfood. If you can't accept me you're a zoophobe and need to check your Green Peace privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Neckbeard.

I sexually Identify as an Neckbeard. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Earth tipping m'fedora to beautiful m'ladies . People say to me that a person being a Neckbeard is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install anime in my veins , 30 mm fedoras and Meme o' missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "White Knight" and respect my right to meme from above and tip m'fedora when necessary . If you can't accept me you're an SJW and need to check your privilege. Arigato for being so understanding. tip

Only one gender