Enough

Chapter 17.

Everything was going so great until my mind started thinking. About Louis. Here I am kissing Harry and feeling his warm tounge explore my mouth, every inch, every spot, every place that would cause my throat to make pleasuring sounds. Harry would as usual smirk proudly of how he makes me feel. 

I should be pushing him away, yelling, screaming. Everything that tends to happen in fights between the two of us. And then I would apologize and he would calm down, then we would end up in bed. This sounds so wrong, but feels so right. But it has to stop.

Perhaps I shouldn't be with Louis, he doesn't make me feel the same way as Harry does. But as we are standing here, in front of my red little house with flowers and brown grass surounding us, I feel wrong and such guilt that I want to apologize to Louis instead. He is the one who deserves a apology from the beginning. 

And I know for sure that mother is standing in the kitchen, living room or she might even stand behind me right behind that door looking through the peephole with a disappointed look on her face. 

''Be careful.'' My mother's words repeat in my mind. And they are slowly taking it's affection on my decision of what's wrong or right about this situation. 

''What are you looking at?'' Harry snaps me out of my thoughts, my very confused thoughts. 

I turn back around to Harry from looking at my front door with guilt and a bit fear that mother later will scream at me for making stupid decisions. 

''Just,'' I sigh pushing Harry slightly away from me. ''This is wrong, I have a boyfriend.''

''He doesn't even treat you good.'' He mumbles more to himself, but I heard. 

''And you do?'' I raise my voice a bit to make him understand the untrue words that just came out of his mouth.

Harry shifts awkwardly as silence also appears. His face shows hurt, but his eyes are trying to clear the hurtful facial expression up to looking angry by the darkness appearing in his eyes. His mind is replaying images of hard times which I am so curious about finding out. 

''You're right,'' He finally says as his voice cracks in the end of the sentence. How much hurt that is shown in his eyes almost made me in tears right here, right now. ''You should've gone with Louis, he treats you better.''

He surprises me when his chest shakes and small chuckles escape his beautiful lips, ''I am just too fucked up for you.''

''Harry-''

''Let's just go.''

I jump at his sudden action. Harry opens the passenger door and gestures for me to come inside. I sigh with defeat of not catching up with his strange appereance when different, perhaps hurtful, things slipped out of my mouth. 

Harry could've had me, but he spent those hours taking my innocence away from me, fighting with me. Taking me to a whole other level of actually enjoying each other's presence, but in a different way. 

But the strangest thing is that I don't regret a thing, not a single thing. I don't regret what happened in France, but I should. Then why won't my body let me reject his touches, kisses or laughs? 

...

The day in school was slowly fading away. The guilt came back to me and I felt this lump in throat of holding it in. Louis doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve me. Not after my actions towards Harry, not after me basically cheating on him and Louis noticed. He noticed that I was acting strange and I panicked everytime he would make a simple comment about my weird apperance. I thought that he looked through my lies, but I made it to the last lesson and avoided any sort of confrontation or conversation with him. 

''Hey,'' I turn my head towards the source of the voice. Ben. ''Are you alright?'' 

His kindness takes me of guard as a grin appears on my face. ''Yes, thank you for asking, Ben.''

Harry didn't even come to french lesson, but that's the last thing on my mind. I know for sure that he's avoiding me, but I've done the same to Louis. I can't look into his beautiful blue orbs right now and feel his sweet kiss on my cheek or handle any kind gestures from him. The guilt would definitely take over. 

Suddenly, a small vibration of my phone on the table, makes me jump. Heat rushes to my cheeks and body as everyone's amusing eyes divert to me. 

''What? Take care of your own shit.'' Ben's sudden language catches me of guard, but I want to hug him since everyone seems taken back by him too. They all turn back to Miss Auxier who is talking about us writing a novell for tomorrow. Great, another thing to worry about. 

I decide to take a look at the message and when Louis's name appears on my screen, the panik returns when I think of different types of ways for him possibly finding out about me and Harry's intimate moment. I'm probably just paranoid, but I've never had to deal with boy problems before. Mother wouldn't even let me go near them in fear that what happened to dad and Riley, would happen to me. 

''I'm waiting in the parking lot for you. xx'' The message says. Relief washes through me, but a bit worry stays at the thought of facing him. The words could accidently slip out of my mouth, most likely not, but still. I can't look him into his eyes, how am I possibly supposed to be riding in the car with him for five minutes?

''Go without me, french class is taking longer than expected.'' I lie as Miss Auxier just left the classroom.

''I can wait for you babe. x'' He replies almost instantly. I am not used to these flirty symbols which is common in texts, my mother always learnt me that texts and calls aren't for pleasure. Her opinion seems stupid right now, but I've followed them since my childhood. Dad didn't really have strict rules, he was more like a dad. While mum was more like a mother. I don't know if it even makes sense, my confused mind is tricking me. 

''No, please don't. Go without me, I have a friend who offered me a ride. x'' I reply as a small smile appears when I use the same gesture. 

''What is this? Is Samantha Anabelle flirting?'' He playfully replies back.

''No, I'm not. Now go!'' I shut my phone off and wait for a few more minutes in the classroom alone, before collecting my books and taking my time to go to the locker and then outside to the parking lot.

I take a few peeks around the parking lot to find Louis's car, but it's no where in sight which is a relief. I could've asked Ben for a ride, but I've done more than enough to him. I regret my mean and irresponsible actions towards him in France, but I'm more than glad that he forgave me and that I at least have a friend. 

''Need a ride?'' The dark and cold voice surprises me as I stand up from the seat on the bench in front of the parking lot. I look up only to feel my back hit the wall in a matter of seconds as my feet want to get away from him. And fast. 

...

A/N 

Sorry for the late update and it's quite short but I'll update soon. 

Thank you for reading, I love you <3

Twitter: @Iouiscraics