The Doctor knocks on the door to Clara's room. "May I come in Clara?.. Please?"
"Not if you're going to keep being a hardass," Clara responds bluntly.
"Easy there... I just wanted to apologize..." He looks at his hands and then at the door. "Can I come in?" He asks again.
She opens the door and he finds her on the bed, looking at him with tear-filled eyes.
"Clara..." Was all he could manage to say. Her looks at her, upset. He plays with his hands and then slowly walks over and sits on the bed next to her.
"Doctor, you understand me don't you? You just hide it, I can see it in your eyes..." Clara mutters softly.
"I'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to apologize for my attitude earlier."
"You're forgiven, however I don't see how your apology will have any meaning if you continue to be a hardass. I've known you long enough to know that is not how you operate."
"Is that so? Must I say more?"
She looks into his sorrowful eyes, longing to ease his pain, but how could she when he put up walls around his emotions?
"Just tell me, are you ok?" Clara asks, worriedly.
"I am now that you forgave me for my attitude earlier. Well, better..." He looks at her, deep in thought.
"Define better Doctor...?"
"Not as grouchy was I was a few minutes ago. That's my definition of being better." He answers her and smiles slightly.
She places her hand on his chest and looks up at him with sad eyes.
He flinched slightly at the touch. "Really, I'm ok."
She frowns and tears fall silently down her face. "You're broken hearts... say otherwise."
"They are not broken Clara." The Doctor lied.
"Yes they are! Don't you dare lie to me! I know heartache when I see it!" She shouts, bursting in tears.
"Clara! Clara, please don't cry. Clara..." He takes her hands gently. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry."
She bristles slightly at his touch, but then smiles for a bit. "If you would be more honest with me that would help a lot. If you open up to me I will return the favor."
"It's hard to do that Clara. You must know that. Please understand that..." He lets go of her hands.
"I know it's hard Doctor, but I'm asking you to do it... for me? Please?" She asked with pleading eyes.
"I don't know where to start. I won't be able tell you what's wrong...."
"Well, start with what you know I know and go from there."
"I...I don't know where to start..." He covers his face.
"I know you've lost many people, seeing so much death can change a person. Not to mention other emotional tolls your life saving job takes. Look I know it's hard I just.. I need inside that head of yours... to make sure you're coping .. emotionally.."
He places his fingers on her temple. His hands were shaking slightly. "Go ahead and look..."
She focused on him and soon could here his thoughts.
I am such a failure, no matter what I do I can never save the ones I truly love... All I do is put people in danger... I have nothing to live for... Save for a job that saves planets from aliens that I have probably lead to them... The universe would be better off without me... No one loves me... Would anyone even care if I killed myself? Although based on past experience I can't even seem to manage to do that...
"Doctor..." she whispers, hugging him tightly. "I love you... Please... Please don't die... I need you... the world needs you.."
"Now you know..." He replies. "Now you know..." He whispers again.
Clara cries, "I understand how you feel Doctor, I have no family, my friends have forgotten me, but the one thing I do have is you... and without you... I'd kill myself."
"Don't be like me..." He sighs.
******
