Unrequited

Chapter 15

Dedicated to http://smilesunshine-anddream.tumblr.com/ because she extra-specially needed a smile and because I promised:)

I sat alone on a crate in the wardrobe trailer, my floaty princess dress replaced with my dark skinny jeans and a cream knitted jumper. My deathtrap heels were replaced by worn canvas shoes. The fairytale atmosphere had long since disappeared. My mind hadn’t stopped churning since the shoot with Niall. The image of Harry running away into the trees wouldn’t leave my mind. An outsider looking in would have just seen a boy moving back to the house, for a drink or a toilet break maybe. But not me. And not his friends. I saw an upset Harry. A frantic Harry. Harry who wanted to escape, scarpering like a startled rabbit. I felt like I should know exactly why he was upset, but I didn’t.

Spilling my secrets to a boy who was practically a stranger all that time ago, had had strange effects on me. After I’d told him all those things, I guess my brain had been tricked into thinking he was a very close friend. I’d felt this inexplicable pull towards Harry since I’d met him and it had only grown stronger after that night. Since then, my mind had confused itself into thinking all sorts of ridiculous things and in turn, had confused my body into doing all sorts of equally ridiculous things i.e. going on potentially fatal rides with said curly haired boy, hopping into fountains with him. The simple fact of it was that I was brought on a tour by my mother and I’d happened to meet a group of lovely boys who let me hang around them sometimes. Sitting on the plastic crate, the ridges digging into my thighs, I realised how complicated I’d made everything in my head. I realised how I’d constantly wondered what Harry was thinking and feeling and whether there was a double meaning in something he’d said to me. “That’s because you like him,” said a voice in my head. And it was true. Though just how much I liked him, was beginning to scare me. 

The image of Harry running flashed through my mind again and I leaned my elbows on my knees and rubbed my fingers hard into my eyelids, trying to get rid of the scene by flooding it with stars. I knew exactly what I was doing. It was what I had always done, especially as Sara’s sidekick. I would fall for some amazing boy, then either watch him be oblivious to my existence and/or see him fall for my best friend. Then, I would have to go through the slow and painful process of taking him out of my mind, piece by piece. I could already feel myself trying to detach from Harry. But I knew it was different this time. Harry had this hold over me; I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. The prospect of not being able to break it really frightened me. I made a pact with myself that even if I couldn’t manage to suppress my feelings for Harry, I wouldn’t let anyone but Sara know about them - and that was because she was over the other side of the world and in no danger of letting her knowledge slip out to one of the boys - or worse, my mother. 

There was a knock on the door of the trailer and I yelled out for them to come in, expecting it to be Karen squawking about how long I was taking. Instead, Niall entered, saying he’d wondered where I’d gotten to. “Are you alright?” he asked. I put on what I hoped was a bright, convincing smile. “Yeah, ‘course. Why?” He put his hands in his pockets and looked glanced down at the floor. “I dunno, you seemed kind of...on edge...after we had our photos done. I was wondering if maybe...it made you a bit uncomfortable...”

“Noo, nothing like that, Niall! I actually had a lot of fun doing the shoot!” 

“Good. Me too,” he grinned. “Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute, Char?” he asked, pulling up an oversized plastic container labeled ‘Shoes’ and sitting down on the lid of it.

“Not at all,” I said, a little puzzled at the way his tone had grown more serious. He rested his elbows on his knees, palms together as he leaned forward to talk to me. His watery blue eyes stared at me apologetically, like he was sorry to have to say what he was about to. “I was wondering, like, I don’t want to pull you into band conflict or anything, but...do you know if there’s something going on with Harry?”