In this life

Chapter 20

I hadn't spoken to Daniel since that Monday and I felt miserable. I was just simply going through the motions with a continuous ache in my heart. I'd picked up a few extra shifts at work to try and keep busy but nothing took my mind off of him. I missed him so much.
I was leaving work to go and pick up Ronnie as we'd arranged to go out tonight. Friday nights with her were usually something I very much looked forward to, but not tonight. She didn't know about Daniel. She didn't know we'd broken up. I hadn't told her. What could I have said? So instead I'd kept everything to myself. I'd stayed on my own at my flat all week watching trashy tv, eating junk food, (if I could be bothered to eat at all), crying and wallowing in my own self pity for a murderer that I was utterly in love with.
I pulled up in the staff car park of Ronnie's work and waited. I wanted to speak to Daniel, to know he was ok at least, but I didn't want to make  contact. I knew my heart would overpower my head and I'd be straight back with him. I looked at my phone mentally arguing with myself about whether or not to call him.
There was a tap on my window. It was Ronnie. She was in her uniform with a spots bag on her shoulder and a bottle of wine in each hand, pulling a stupid face as she held them out to me. She walked round the front of my car to get in. I couldn't help but smile at her.
"Right!" She exclaimed as she chucked her bag in the back and put the bottles on the floor of the footwell before climbing in "We're going to yours, getting pretty, drinking those-" she pointed to the wine "-going to a bar and you're telling me what the fuck is up" she nudged my arm playfully.
"What do you mean? I'm fine, nothing's up"
"That's bollocks Rosie and we both know it" she gave me a sympathetic smile.
"Why do you think-?" I started, pretending I was fine, but then sighed and decided it was pointless, Ronnie knew me too well "-Ok. That sounds good. Thank you" I smiled. She gave my knee a gentle squeeze and I started my car up.

Once we were in my flat Ronnie headed. Straight for the kitchen, unscrewed the cheep wine and poured two glasses full. She handed me one and I thanked her.
"Ok, spill, what's he done?"
"Who?"
"Daniel, obviously!" She took a sip of her drink and jumped up on the kitchen counter "What's he done to piss you off?"
"Nothing, he's been great actually" I was honest as I looked down at my glass "he's perfect"
"So why have you got a face like a slapped arse?"
I shrugged.
"Has he got someone else? A wife or something?"
"No, nothing like that" I shook my head.
"Has he hurt you?" She looked angry.
"No! Not at all!" I looked at her to show I was sincere.
"So what then?"
"I can't tell you"
"Rosie.... We've been best friends forever. What on earth could have possible happened that you think you can't tell me?"
"Nothing has happened exactly. It's just that, well...." I hesitated "I don't think I can be with Daniel"
"Why...?"
"It's complicated" I took a large mouthful of wine.
Ronnie sat looking at me for a while contemplating a solution, until finally she said "Rosie, in all the years I've known you, I have never seen you so... affected by a guy. He obviously means a lot to you and the way you've spoken about him tells me he makes you happy. So whatever it is that's happened, surely it's worth trying to see if you can get passed it"
"I don't think I could though...."
"Of course you can"
"How would you know!" I started to get angry because she didn't know the whole story and I felt she was belittling it.
"I know" she looked at me sternly, "because you said you don't think you can get passed it" she jumped off the counter "you didn't just say you definitely can't get passed it" she smiled and went to get changed, leaving me mulling over her conclusion in the kitchen. Weirdly it made sense.

***

I took a seat on a tall stall at an empty poser table at the far side of the bar and waited for Ronnie to join me with our drinks. I was a bit light headed already as we'd had a few glasses of wine before coming out, so didn't want to stand up at the bar. While I waited I looked around to see who was about. There were a few girls in a booth opposite the bar, they had matching pink tops on and one had a cheep veil on her head and 'L' plates pinned to her back, obviously on a Hen Do. They were laughing and talking loudly, but clearly having fun. Not far from me, at another poser table there was a couple sitting together, their heads close and he was holding her hand and kissing her fingers. Normally I'd have rolled my eyes at seeing such a public show of affection, but tonight I didn't. I watched them as they smiled at each other and chatted sweetly. They looked so happy it made me sad. Sad because it wasn't me and Daniel. I looked away and saw a man at the bar on his own. He was watching Ronnie as she walked over to me, holding two very interesting looking cocktails.
"Thought I'd get us something a bit different to start" she beamed "this ones yours" she passed me a blue drink with crushed ice in and a pineapple wedge on the rim "and mines a 'screaming orgasm' because you've clearly had too many of them lately, so fair's fair"
I laughed and bit my lip thinking of Daniel's skills in the bedroom.
"Thank you" I said taking a sip "ooh is nice, what is it?"
"No idea babe, I just said to make something pretty with loads of alcohol in and...voilà"
I giggled.
She pulled up her stool and sat near me. As she sat I caught a glimpse of the guy at the bar again. He was still looking at Ronnie, swirling his drink in his hand.
"Stalker at eleven o'clock" I muttered, trying not to move my lips.
"My stalker or yours?"
"Yours" I smiled.
"Is he good looking?" She didn't turn around.
"Meh, average. Maybe early thirties, short blonde hair, jeans and a shirt, bit of stubble round his face" I described him without looking. 
"Is he still looking?"
I could see he was in my peripheral vision "yep!"
"Let me know when he looks away" she said as she adjusted her posture and flicked her hair over her shoulder.
"Ok" I smiled and took another, rather large sip on my mystery cocktail.
"So... Judging by your willingness to let that guy check you out, you're not interested in Tim anymore?" I thought I'd broach the subject of him and tell her of our conversation at work.
"Umm" she shifted in her seat a little, "No, it's clear that's not going anywhere"
"How so?"
"I, er, I just got the impression he's not interested that's all, so I'd rather not waste my time"
"What makes you think he's not interested?" I carried on, knowing he was and that it was her that brushed him off.
"I dunno" she stirred her drink with her straw and was avoiding eye contact.
"It's weird because when I spoke to him at work he said you stopped returning his calls..." I paused and she looked at me "he seems quite bothered about it actually, so I think he was interested..."
She opened her mouth to speak and stopped and stirred her drink again.
"Ronnie, what's going on?"
She sighed and looked to the ceiling,
"You're gonna think it's stupid"
"I always think you're stupid, but that's never stopped you telling me things before" I played, blowing her a kiss. She smirked at me.
"Ok..." She rested her head on one hand and drew on the table with her finger "he's too good for me"
"What?" I half shouted.
"See, I told you!"
"Sorry" I held my hands up "carry on. Why do you think that?"
"Well... He comes from a very good family, lots of money, good jobs, he's really nice..."
"....so what's wrong with that?" I already knew what she was going to say.
"I don't"
"So?"
"So! What have I got to offer him?" She looked at me for an answer.
"...you!" I said, simply.
"Yeah, great" she was sarcastic and rolled her eyes.
"Ron, my parents have always been well off and stuff and I love you regardless of what your family are like or how much money you do or don't have in the bank, and so do my family. So why should he be any different?"
"Because..." There was a large pause.
"Awesome. That's a superb reason" I was sarcastic, "Look, just suck it up and stop being a nob"
"But what if-"
"-Yes! Exactly, what if he doesn't care?!"
She smiled.
"So phone him yeah?"
"Maybe"
"Good" I laughed and drank my drink.
The guy at the bar caught my eye again and he was still looking at Ronnie. "What the... That guy is still looking at you! It's starting to creep me out" I made a weird face "D'you know him or something?"
Without being subtle she turned and looked straight at him. I was expecting him to look away, but he didn't. Instead he nodded his head and held up his glass to her.
"No" she laughed "I don't know him" she turned back to me "what's his problem?"
I shrugged and looked back over to him but he'd gone. Ronnie saw my face change and she turned to his empty stool too. "Where's he gone?"
"I don't know" I scanned the room, "what a weirdo!"
We looked at each other and laughed.
"So anyway" Ronnie started to change the subject "have you decided what you're doing about Daniel?"
I shrugged "the problem is that I think I love him" I spoke quietly
"Think? Or you do love him?"
"I do"
"Does he feel the same about you?"
I nodded "although he's never actually said it, but he's not needed to. I just know he does"
She tilted her head to the side "then I think you should call him"
"Yeah maybe, I'll phone him tomorrow or something" I tried to just end the conversation.
"Do it now!"
"What? I'm not phoning him now" I laughed.
"Why not! Come on, drunk dialling ex's is like a right of passage or something, it's like... Law, I don't know. But it's gotta be done"
"No chance!" I cringed "what would I even say?"
"Dunno... Let's find out" she grabbed my bag and took my phone out.
"Don't you dare!" I was serious but laughing at her audacity.
She laughed and got his number up.
"Seriously Ronnie!" I started feeling anxious and grabbed for my phone.
She lifted it out of my reach and with a massive smile on her face she pushed the call button and held the phone to her ear.
"Oh my god Ronnie!" I cringed and put my hands in my face.

"Daniel" she spoke as he answered "No, it's not Rosie, it's Ronnie.................. oh she's fine, she's right here. We were just talking about you and .............good things, definitely good things. In fact she was just telling me how much she's in love with you............."
I stared at her with my mouth open and she smiled.
"............Yep. So I thought I'd give you a little ring to see if the feeling was mutual or ............. Oh really...........uh-huh......."
"What's he saying?" I mouthed without speaking. She smiled and held her hand up to silence me and was listening to him.
"............anything to cheer her up I can't take much more of her miserable face, it's depressing........." She laughed at whatever he said "............. Sounds perfect........... Ok, yep..........laters Danny boy!"

She hung up and put my phone back in my bag without looking at me.
"Well......?!" I wanted to know what he'd said. She took a very long sip of her drink to delay answering me, tormenting me. "Ronnie!" I shouted, "Well???"
"Well what?"
I shot her a warning look.
"Oh, Daniel!" She smiled "Umm yeah, yeah, he just said to say hi"
"And??!!"
"Oh just some other stuff, nothing important really, very dull and boring, you probably wouldn't be interested" She shrugged and flicked her hair.
"I can't believe you phoned him!" I shook my head, grinning like an idiot "I swear to god you're a fucking nightmare, just tell me what he said!"
"Ask him yourself" she answered, gesturing for me to turn round.
My heart faulted in my chest as I turned in my seat. Daniel was walking into the bar, with Adam. They came straight over to our table.
Daniel didn't look at me right away, instead he said hello to Ronnie first and then turned to me "Rosie" he greeted me. He eyes bore into mine, I'd forgotten how mesmerising they were, the corner of his lip curled into that sexy, small, smile as he lifted my hand in his and kissed my knuckles softly. He made me feel like I was the only person in the room with him.
"Daniel" my pulse raced. I couldn't look away. He kept eye contact with me while Adam spoke.
"Ladies" he said politely "can I get you a drink?"
"Yes please" answered Ronnie "I'll, er, come and give you a hand" she got off her stool and walked to the bar with him.
"W-what are you doing here?" I asked Daniel "how did you know where we were?" He didn't answer, instead he narrowed his eyes slightly and smiled.
"How have you been?" He asked me. His tone was kind and with genuine concern.
"I've been better" I answered shyly, "You?"
"Dark and brooding" he shrugged, and in a quiet voice, nearly whispering, he leaned in towards me and said "But I'm a vampire, we're always dark and brooding" he winked. I couldn't help but smile at him.
"Now that" he brushed his thumb against my bottom lip "I've missed that" he looked hungrily and my mouth. I had excited butterflies in my tummy and my breathing was shallow. How on earth did he manage to have such an affect on me?