Disclaimer: This is another example of me stepping out of my comfort zone and agreeing to read a genre I do not typically read. It was a hard critique to do because I don't really have any horror books to compare it to, but I did try and focus on grammar and plot/character development because, in general, those areas are should be consistent across genres.
Dead End- anonymouslonewolf
Number of Chapters Read: Five
Cover: 7/10
Summary: 8/10
Character Development: 6.5/10
Plot Development and Flow: 7/10
Grammar: 5/10
Final Score: 33.5/50
Your cover was a little hard to judge because, well, I don't know what horror covers look like. But in general, it met a lot of my basic requirements. The title was easy to read and the photograph fit the story. I could tell it was going to be about zombies and that's exactly what I got. The reason it scored lower is that it does seem a bit plain, but also the photo you used appears blurry. You want your cover to not only fit the story, but also look very clean and professional. The cover is the first glimpse readers get at the story, and as cliché as it is, people DO judge a book by its cover. 7/10
Your summary was also okay. It was a little long for my taste, and I think that middle paragraph could be edited down some. It's also choppy and a few sentences in there could be combined to make it flow smoother. I liked the beginning where you say their roles because it makes sense with how you break up your chapters. Your last line was also powerful, and I liked that. Overall, pretty good job on the summary. 8/10
Character development is interesting here because you have chapters devoted to individual characters and where they were when the zombie outbreak occurred, and then you have chapters where they are all involved. I think Sloan was my favorite character in the chapters of them all together, but Drake was my favorite character in their individual, backstory chapters. The chapter written about Drake was emotional and powerful, and I felt like we could see his background and why he is the way he is. But Sloan's personality in the present day chapters shines the brightest of them all because he is unique. The reason you scored low here is because Joelle's character seems very flat. We get a little bit of her personality in chapter two, and we can see how fiercely independent and strong she is, but I don't think you do a very good job in chapter one with developing her as a character. That chapter should be extremely well written because it is the first chapter, and I think compared to the other chapters, it was confusing and jumbled and just generally hard to follow. 6.5/10
Your plot moves a bit slowly because you have so many characters to introduce and you're doing that through separate chapters. That being said, I think introducing them that way does help with the overall plot because we get to learn more about their backstory. While the overall plot does move slowly, I think the plot within each chapter can sometimes move...too quickly. This is really only the case in chapter one, which I believe should be edited more. It is her first interaction with a zombie and it comes across as rushed and unbelievable in some places. You need your story to be more believable. I mean, it is about zombies but still. More realistic in their emotional reactions. That will help move the story at an appropriate pace. 7/10
Grammar was something easier to critique here because grammar is consistent across all genres. It is also one of the most important things in a story. Final products of books are 99.9% FLAWLESS because one grammar mistake can easily throw off the entire story. Your issue is with your punctuation. Your sentences can be quite choppy sometimes, and then when you try and combine them into longer sentences, you forget commas. Commas are very important to connect clauses. They need to be there. Your punctuation with your dialogue is also incorrectly done, which is actually a very common thing in a lot of people's writings. Hell, I make that mistake all the time (example- chapter one of my current story has not been edited and has this mistake EVERYWHERE). But now that I've explained the rules in the chapter by chapter break down, go back and correct these misused commas and periods and just remember it for the future. Grammar is tricky. It's extremely important and easy to mess up. Good news is that it is super easy to fix once your mistakes are pointed out. I suggest getting a Wattpad editor to review your chapters for you, and that'll help finding mistakes. 5/10
Overall, I'm glad that I got to experience reading a horror story. Will I do it again? Eh, not sure. But your language/descriptions were very well done, and I think that was what kept me interested. I think you have some kinks to work out, but you have the basis of a very good story. You keep it unique by switching back in fourth introducing the characters, and you give each character a different role. That is an interesting factor to this book. I think polishing it up will make it much more successful. Good luck with the rest of your story and let me know if you have anymore questions! Thanks for requesting :)
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