Transman

School

Ah, the place we get our education from, prison. Oops I mean school. Can you say hell?

I absolutely HATE school, but before I can get into that I gotta tell you a 'lil background info.

I used to live in a big town, and when I did I was a very depressed boy who hasn't came out to anyone about being trans yet. I was known as "the emo faggot." Everybody just assumed I was lesbian, but truth is, in my mind I was a heterosexual man. I was severely bullied there. I mean I literally been stabbed there once because people's hatred runs deep. I've been sexually harassed million of times and teachers saw it happen, but guess what, THEY DIDN'T CARE!!!! THEY PROBABLY STILL DON'T!!!!

None of that matters anymore though since we moved. The town I live in now is so tiny especially compared to the town I used to live in. And most small towns are very closed minded because there's not much variety in types of people her so they just don't know. Everybody here knows everyone and are like brothers and sisters, except for me and my family. It wasn't long till my younger sisters (11 and 14) found a group of friends and fit in. My little brother (11) even made some friends quickly. He has autism and other problems that make his social skills suck as bad as mine do but even still he has his little group of friends. And then there's me, (yes I'm out as transgender now EVERYONE THAT NEEDS TO KNOW KNOWS and the bullying is even worse than before but not the depression) I have nobody.

I am the very first transgender that the school knows of that has ever walked their hallways. I am not out to the students at my school; I'm trying to stay stealth, except I don't pass well enough for it. I don't even have a binder yet. "I aint got no satisfaction" people. The financial problems are strong with this one. Yeah I know I know, I'm a geeky dork. Seriously though, staying stealth is really hard. I don't think the other students know yet, but they are starting to question. The worst part is that I can hear them whispering about me but nobody will say it to my face. I hear people calling me "it" and people label me as gender neutral. The last part doesn't get to me much but the first part does. Also, I hear people planning to perv on me to figure out if I'm boy or girl and that has my anxiety running wild. I can't let anyone know that it gets to me though because then they will use it against me. When people find out what gets to you, they will use you to tear you down until their words eat you up inside to the point you start thinking about suicide. I've already been through that part of my life and I don't want to have go through that again.

School just really sucks because since I'm the only transgender here that SOME people are aware of, I feel so lonely. I have no one here that I can truly talk to about what I'm going through. They just can't understand. I understand that and except it, it just makes me very lonely and sad. I hate being alone.

Well the WiFi here really sucks and I'm getting tired of having to manually reconnect over and over again so I'm gonna wrap this up.

Stay strong my lovely, gorgeous penguin people <3

Stay sexy ;)

PEACE!

~ The Penguin King~