Bloody Walls

New Walls

I'm in the middle of eating one of those food trays they give me. I think it was the third one of the day, so I guess it's supposed to be supper.

It's not bad. Not very good either, but better and more than I was ever given at the bloody house. I use the spoon to lift up some of the 'potatoes'. I think they are potatoes at least.

As I lift the spoonful of potatoes to my mouth I glimpse the door.

The spoon and it's mysterious potatoes fall to the floor.

My heart feels like stone.

I breathe in.

You, Sebastain, blink.

I blink back.

My shoulders are tense and I'm ready to run at any moment.

You seem tense too.

As you finally step forward I breathe out. And just like that the screams stop and the blood gets washed away.

-Have you been doing okay while I was gone?

I don't know what okay is.-

At that you smile and it reaches your eyes. It was a different kind of smile than before.

Now it seemed genuine.

You came the rest of the way in the room and sat down at your usual spot near the window.

Somthing seemed different about you. I don't know what it is though.

Then as before you left, you took out your book and read, while I watched and ate in silence.

And on cue, you stood up to leave just as the clock stroke eleven, put your book away, and looked at me to see if I was still awake.

Then I realized what was so different about you. It was how you looked at me with understanding eyes, instead of clean and formal ones.

But it wasn't just you who had changed, I had too. I had realized that I wanted to get better, and just how much I want, no need, you in my life.

So when you walked towards me and opened your arms for a hug, I didn't feel the need to run, scream, vomit, or pass out.

I felt safe for once in my life, so I huged you back.

And you left without a goodbye to probably go to wherever you go after visiting me.

And I curled up in my bed and fell asleep for the first time in days, and didn't wake up in a cold sweat, panicking and scared in the middle of the night, for the first time in my life.

Somehow the walls in my room seemed old and familiar. Like what many would compare to the feeling they get when they see their friends, or family after a time away.

This was now to me, but it felt familiar. Like I was supposed to remember another time and place in wich I hadn't been hurt yet, and the walls weren't red. Almost like I had a life before I was kept in a cage in the basement of that man's house.

But I wasn't ready to remember yet, so I stayed asleep and slept soundly in my bed.

I won't remember the old walls of my Aunt's house for a while yet, and until then, I would stay in this building of new walls, and old books.