Four Years Later
"How do you feel?" The counselor asked looking at me over the bridge of her glasses.
"Fine." I said in a bored voice.
This was the third or fourth counselor I've seen and to be honest it was starting to piss me off. I was perfectly fine. I had a good life, granted I had my normal teenage issues but that didn't mean i needed to see a counselor.
"Okay. Well what do you like to do for fun?" She asked.
I could feel her getting agitated with my short clipped answers. I know it was wrong but it made me feel better knowing she was getting pissed off. To me she was nothing but a person with some shitty degree who thought she could get figure out what was going on inside my head. Well I say have at it. I didn't even know what the hell was going on inside my head and it was MY damn head.
"I like to read. I guess." I answered my voice low and monotone.
"Okay anything else you like to do?" She asked hopeful.
"Tumble."
"As in gymnastics?" She asked.
"Ugh no. More like the website Tumblr. Where you reblog photos and people who like your photos will follow you and stuff like that." I said like she was dumb.
"Would you mind letting me see it?" she asked.
"Yes. My tumblrs personal I don't give it out to anyone. Only strangers follow me." I made sure to put an extra bit of coldness in my voice.
"Well what about---"
"I think my time here is up. It was nice seeing you again."
I picked my bag up off the floor and threw it on as I walked out of the room trying to leave as fast as I could. There was just something about this whole session thing that made me feel numb. That made me feel like I was crazy.
"Oh Lily, is it over already?" I looked up and saw my mom staring at me with a worried look in her eyes. She was always like this, worrying about my mental health. I felt bad that she would stress so much over it I knew she felt bad for what happened but I didn't want her to fault herself for it.
"Yes. Can we go now?" I smiled trying to make her feel better.
"Oh your counselor doesn't need to talk to me or anything?" She asked getting ready to wait for my counselor.
"Ugh No! She said I was free to go." I lied through my teeth.
"Oh well alrighty then. Did you want to get something to eat? She asked as I ushered her out of the office before my counselor came out.
"Anything you want is fine."
"Okay well let's just go pick up your brother from your grandmothers house and then we'll figure all that out later." She looked over and gave me a small smile before turning her attention back to the road.
I slipped my headphones on and glanced out the window letting the music put me into a trance.
I am standing on the edge of returning or just running away
I am letting myself look the other way
And the hardest part in all of this is I don't think I know my way back
Home
Is it worth the journey or do I let my heart settle here
. . .
You tell me
In your deepest pain
In your weakest hour
In your darkest night
You are lovely
. . .
It burns for a moment but
But then it numbs you
I felt my ears perk up at those words it reminded me of my life somehow. I didn't know what the relevance was but it just seemed to fit perfect. My eyes started tot burn with unshed tears that decided to just spring into my eyes.
I did a quick sniffle and quickly wiped them away before my mother saw them.
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.
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UGH! I swear guys I keep trying to make this longer but I just suck lol Anyways enjoy
~Caylee :D
