My Sunshine

My Guardian Angel

He tells me he loves me every day. He sings to me, that same song. He wants me to know I'm wanted. Sometimes I feel like he's lying to me. That's the only thing keeping me in the dark. I would rather stay in the dark forever than get rejected by anyone ever again.

The thing is, when I wake up will I be emotionally stable? Will they put me in a mental hospital like they tried to when I was in 8th grade? Will society not accept my past and keep bringing it up so it keeps pushing me other the edge? Sometimes I wish I was dead, and not just in a coma. I still really care about Evan though. I think I love him, but when I wake up I'm afraid the voices in my head weren't even him, and that this whole thing is just a dream.

Just the whole concept of life feels like a dream to me sometimes. I really want to know what happens after you die. There are so many theories my brain can't function. I get so caught up in thinking life is just a dream that I forget what I'm doing or what I just did.

Sometimes I think Evan is just a figment of my imagination. It feels like he's my guardian angel. Maybe if there is a God, he sent Evan to me for an important reason. Sometimes I think- ok this may sound really stupid, but I think Evan to me was sent by my dad to comfort me and to love me. Yep. I've gone insane! I need to wake up! Wait, in some twisted way, I could have a valid point here. How is that valid? Nothing makes sense to me anymore!

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"Hey Faith! I brought you flowers. Ahhh red roses! Almost as beautiful as you! I was hoping you'd could talk to me today, but the doctor said you have to wait a week so you don't bring more damage to your vocal chords. Your Americas Got Talent audition is in three weeks! Are you excited? I bet you're nervous. I hope you can perform."

I take her hand rubbing it with my thumb, "please babe, give me a sign! I need to know you can hear me!"

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