Where did it go?

Chapter 1

I open my eyes my eyes to a high pitch screeching noise signaling that the most peaceful time of my life, being happy with my nightmares, has come to an end. Practically peeling myself from the warmth of my mattress, I begin the same boring routine. Wake up, put on my bracelets, pick one of my many long-sleeved band shirts to wear, followed by a bra, some undergarments, a pair of socks and a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, all topped together with a pair of black converse. I know, I know, typical "fangirl" outfit right?

***
"Fatass."

"Slut."

"Bitch."

Are some "Hello's"   I get as I pass some people in the halls.

Walking down the halls, I receive many unpleasant glares and I watch several people point at me and whisper. One comment in particular caught my attention,

"Look at her wrists..." As I look down in horror I discover I had accidentally thrown on a short sleeve shirt. I panic and all my anxiety catches up with me and I pass out.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep.  I awaken to an annoying sound. I open my eyes to search my surroundings, and get shocked to find im in a hospital bed, IV in my arm and life monitor beside me. I wince as I realize that I'm in a hospital gown and my arms have been revealed. I catch the slightest glimpse of a "security" camera, as everyone calls it, although I already know what it really is. Why the hell are they monitoring me?   I'll be fine. I roll my eyes as a too cheerful nurse enters this dungeon, her smile wavers a bit, but returns to her really over the top perky self.
"I'm going to need your name miss, please." She states simply.

"Check the fucking clipboard dipshit." I spat rudely not caring if anyone overheard.

"I'm sorry, pardon me for my rudeness, let me introduce myself. I'm Perrie. Perrie Malik. I'll be your nurse, and you are?"

"I said check the mother fucking clipboard."

She checks my clipboard and then walks out with a snobby look on her face.

***

Walking into my room I get that sensation of relaxation and peace, until the depression kicks in. I lay in my bed choking back sobs, careful not to let anyone hear me. I grab my blade that I had hidden under my lamp and slide the tiny sharp object from one side to the other drawing blood, people say self harm is stupid, but it's really a way to remind yourself that you are alive, and you aren't dreaming.
I quickly hide my blade and go top my bathroom attached to my bedroom to wash up my wrists and when I finish I go straight to my bed and try to sleep peacefully, but with no such luck because the nightmares never end.

//Flash back\\

He held me so tight so I couldn't leave, wrapping his arms around me, he whispered in to my ear,

"Please princess," he practically begged as he kissed my forehead,
"I'll miss you too much if you leave." He opened his eyes really wide and did the puppy eyes thingy making me smile, as I let out a soft chuckle rubbing our noses together. I slowly leaned in against his lips and connected ours, it wasn't anything too heated our out of control, but just sweet passionate kiss that hit all of the marks in all the correct places. I slowly pulled away and ran to the door laughing,

"Haha! Too slow!" I laughed pointing a finger in his direction. And with that he raced towards me and tackled me in a bear hug.
"I love you." He whispered, and those were the words I had gotten so used to, but still gave me butterflies every single time they came from him.

"I love you too." I whispered leaning in to him and colliding his lips with mine. When we pulled away I walked through the door waving as I said goodbye, but little did I know, it was going to be my last with him.

//Flashback ends//

I wake up panting and drenched In sweat, taking a minute to reassure myself that it wasn't real and was only a dream. That's when reality it's my in the face, like a brick, covered in spikes, dipped in acid. I race to my bathroom sobbing uncontrollably and I fumble with the lock. I turn on the shower for the hopes of nobody hearing me, and for once they didn't.

"He's gone." I whispered to myself.
"No more cuddles, no more stupid arguments, no more passionate kisses, and most importantly no more him." I'm crying hysterically by now and I can't seem to focus on anything other than him. I miss him so good damned much! It's not fair! I miss the way his eyebrows knitted together when he got confused, the doggy eyes when he wanted something, his laughter, his messy hair, all the pillow fights, the weird couple goals selfies, I'd give anything just to be with him right now.
I shut off the water and clean myself up. Glancing at my clock, I realize I'm late for councilng. It stays at 12:30 pm and it's already 12:49 pm. I get ready and hop in my car, racing to my concealer, I really need to talk to her, like right now. I need to tell her about the flashback, how much I missed him, and about last night. 

"Hello Mrs. Janet, Ms. Clark is awaiting you." Smiles an elder lady.

I walk into room 403 and blurt everything out.

"And so that leads me as to why I am indeed here." I finish. Ms Clark nodding and writing this all down. It feels good to have some body to turn to. After about an hour of discussing what to do next, I decide it's time to leave. Waving byte to Ms. Clark and the elder lady, walk out and drove home listening to the boy band I have grown to love and cherish more each day.

_________________________

End of chapter

Yay!!!! Finally finished 1st chapter!! 1015 words! I promise chapters will get longer and better just bear with me!!

Love you my  'lil poops