nosebleed ; phan

iv :: the euphoria of hollow

THE TASTE OF CHERRY VODKA AT FOUR AM AND GLAZED, BITTEN LIPS THAT NEVER STOPPED BEING STAINED BY BLOOD flooded into the azure veins of the deathly-still brunette; the polyphonic buzz of the party encompassing him drowning to white noise as he felt himself melting at the dripping-honey irises of the boy stood laughing across the room.

he hasn't noticed me yet, dan thought as he couldn't bring himself to do anything more than blink. but do i want him to?

the boy whose laugh was like falling, crystalizing rain and whose touch was as rhapsodic as the ocean; sweeping sun-kissed sand against the brunette's moonlit skin and carrying him away past the ultraviolence of the waves. dan's feet carried his vacant mind towards the drifting scent of a familiar cologne: the same cologne that used to linger on the rosé-blending-to-crimson hickeys that used to brushstroke dan's sweat-laced skin and the navy hoodies that carter would always let him borrow because he just never stopped feeling cold.

"maybe that's why he left," dan thought absentmindedly through the tangled spiderwebs of shattered glass thoughts that plagued his hazed mind. "maybe i'm too cold."

crystal debris flooded the shadowed living room of dan's vacant home like a storm of broken vases and broken minds as tears carved translucent scars down his scarlet-tinged skin; the near-silent patters of his glazed tears hitting the ground sounding like bullets in his heroin-clouded thoughts. he fell to his knees, barely registering the shattered glass that pierced his shivering body, clenching his jaw as he felt pressure tangle his tainted nerves in knots.

he didn't hear the front door open or the empty syringe falling to the ground from carter's fingertips after he had found it tossed on the kitchen counter; the evidence of his boyfriend's sins being dropped from his grip as he walked into the blood-stained crime scene that was dan's shattered mind. "oh, baby," carter hummed as he picked up the younger's numb, goosebump-patterned arm, examining the wine-colored track marks that crawled around the sobbing boy's choked arm like dead ivy. "what have you done?" 

dan was dragged back to reality as his eyes shot up to the lips that murmured his name disbelievingly. "d-dan?" carter exhaled, his silk and gold irises glossed over with the intoxicated red-rim of a few beers. carter's jutted lips parted hesitantly to speak again, dan suddenly whipping away and ambling desperately through the milky, nicotine fog towards the door. the brunette blinked violently as he shoved himself out of the house, falling to his scraped hands as he felt his blackened lungs collapse inside of himself.

dan breathed heavily, the haunting memories that plagued his mind seeming to ghost his inner eyelids every time he shut his eyes.

"i look stupid, i just wish my head didn't look like a fucking poodle's asshole," dan scoffed, running his fingers through the tangled curls that laid messily across his forehead, earning a dry laugh from beneath the cigarette-holding lips of the boy beside him. "poodles are cute. and what have i told you?" carter spoke, flashing him a crooked grin as he ruffled the brunette's hair, "pretty isn't everything, you punk ass."

"merde, merde, merde!" dan muttered as he forced himself up to his feet, his bloodied hands stinging as a grip on his shoulder whipped him around. but it wasn't carter's eyes he was met with, but tae's.

"what the hell, dan?" the lighter-shaded brunette hissed, shaking dan's shoulders as he blinked in response. "jesus, did you take something?" tae furrowed his eyebrows as the glaze glossing his dark irises replaced anger with worry, waving his hand in front of his friend's vacant eyes as dan stared blankly into the shadowed darkness.