Confessions of a Heartbroken Girl

Where It All Began

If I could tell my 15 year old self one thing, it would be to not give into to temptation. If I could tell my 16 year old self one thing, it would be not to let some silly boy dictate your future, and if I could tell my 17 year old self one thing, it would be that I am so proud of your recovery.

So where do I begin? The beginning of high school, or the first time I met him? I guess we will see how this goes.

As a young girl, it's normal to get insecure, and feel pressure to be in a relationship. That's what I, Kaycee Renoylds, felt when I began high school. I remember the first couple weeks of school were hectic, I found myself trying to keep to myself in all honesty. I knew what high school was expected to be, and I wanted no part in it.

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My breath was shaking, all I had to do was get up the stairs and to my locker. I knew I had Ryan by my side, but why couldn't this anxiety fade? My best friend was all I needed, and yet I still couldn't breathe when I entered these doors.

"Kace, you okay?" He asks, smiling in my direction. Oh, if only he knew the thoughts running through my head. Is it getting warmer in here? Am I about to faint? Oh man, please don't let this happen.

"Yeah, Ry. I'm okay. Just a little shaky, as usual" I reply, smiling back. See, the problem with this friendship I found recently, is that Ryan, for some strange reason, is "in love" with me. What even is love? Can you even feel it at this age? I brushed it off, I did not need any part in that. 

Finally, we reached my locker. I swung it open, noticing my other best friend, of the same name, grinning at me next to me.

"Jeez, Kaycee! Way to scare a girl" I exclaim, laughing at her. The fact that our names are the same is the reason we began talking. I do not regret this decision one bit, although it could be slightly confusing when someone was trying to speak to only one of us. Before she could even reply, I notice a guy talking away to Ryan. I had seen him around before, but never once spoke to him.

CODE RED. I panic, and grab Kaycee quickly. This was one of the faults of my anxiety. I could not even be at my own locker without panicking, and needing to escape as soon as someone approached that was an unknown person. I heard Ryan and mystery fellow following behind us as we turned the corner into the next hallway. 

"Hey, Matt... want to see something funny?" I heard from behind us. God only knows what was going to happen next. I looked to my side, not even hearing the words that were coming out of Kaycee's mouth. I could never actually keep up with what she was saying. It was all a blur to me.

"KAYCEE!" Both of us stop what we're doing, and turn to look behind us. We both must have had questioning looks on our faces, as the humour attacks the two males behind us.

'How immature', I think as we continue to walk.

Little did I know, this was not the last time I would come face to face with 'Matt'.