Chapter nine
I don’t know why I was heading in this direction, I didn't know why I had just turned into the top of Nicola’s road, I couldn't tell her what I had just seen, I couldn't tell her why my heart is hurting so much, I couldn't even tell her why these tears won’t stop falling. I just needed someone, anyone, just someone that wasn't Cheryl.
Cheryl. Her face flashed across my mind, but all I could see was the expression she had on it once she had noticed me at her door when I caught them in her bed, her bed that we shared, the bed that was practically ours. I couldn't get the image out of my head; it was just there, soaking up every part of my brain.
I had driven twenty minutes across town from Cheryl’s house to Nicola’s in a deathly silence; the only noise I could really hear was the thunderous beating of my heart in my ears. I felt like it was breaking with each passing second, but it sounded so whole, so strong in my ears, a complete contrast to how I was feeling.
Was I even feeling anything? I don’t think I was, there was just a numbing sensation across every part of me. I'm surprised I had the strength to even drive over to Nicola’s, because I felt sure that when I got out of this car, my legs wouldn't be able to carry me.
My phone had just rung for the seventh time on this journey; I had about four voice mails and six texts. Every single one of them was from her. Her. I pulled up a few houses away from Nicola’s, I didn't know what to do, a part of me wanted to drive off and go home, but a bigger part of me wanted to feel the warmth of someone’s arms wrapped around me telling me it’s all going to be okay, even if I didn't believe it was going to be.
**
“Kimberley, I can’t believe neither of you said anything, you should have told me”, Nicola said very delicately.
“We couldn't” I whispered from somewhere. I had gone with the bigger part of my conscience, and headed into Nicola’s and had been here for the last hour. Somewhere within that time I had revealed to her that Cheryl and I are in a relationship and have been for four months, and somehow, with great difficulty through the sobs and complicated breathing, I had managed to tell her how I had just walked in on her in bed with her ex boyfriend.
“I'm in shock, this is so much to take in” she said, shaking her head whilst looking intently in my direction as we sat on her usually comfortable sofa, although now it didn't feel comfortable, nothing felt like anything, now I couldn't care less if I was sat on a slab of rock.
I didn't reply, I didn't have anything to say, I’d said all I needed to, I just stared at Nicola’s mantel piece, hoping that any second now I’d wake up out of this nightmare and find a peaceful Cheryl laying next to me.
My eyes were no longer crying, I think that's because all the energy had drained from within me.
“What did she say?” I turned to look at Nicola as she spoke.
“She said that she can explain” I said, thinking back to the scenario that happened about two hours ago. “She also said she loves me, but for some reason I don’t believe that anymore”, my voice was coated with sadness and a hint of irony, I could hear the pain in my own voice, I couldn't believe this was happening.
“I'm so sorry Kimberley” Nicola soothed as her hand ran across my back to pull into her, I let myself drop, as her arm wrapped around me, and my head laid on her shoulder. “Maybe she has her reasons” Nicola said hopefully.
I shook my head, her reason is plain and clear, maybe she just didn't care enough in the first place.
**
