It's complicated

Chapter 19...

Graduation rolled around quickly, just as quick as Chresanto got attached to our kids. He never wants to leave them, he'd do anything for our babies. About a week ago he finally gave up the drug business, he didn't want our kids to be exposed to that stuff. I can honestly say that I'm extremely proud of him.

"Hello momma's baby" I kissed my daughter's cheek as she looked up at me with those beautiful eyes matching her father's.

I smiled at her then walked over to Chres who's fixing his tie and holding Aiden. "You're great at multitasking now" I smiled and kissed his lips. "Hey big boy" I kissed Aiden.

"Gotta be good, got two kids and a lazy baby momma" he said playfully and smirked at me.

"Hey!" I playfully smacked him in the head.

"Ow! You see what your mom does to me, little man?"

I giggled and walked back over to Amya to finish dressing her. "Look at daddy's pretty girl" Chres said as he approached us and immediately Amya began kicking, she's such a daddy's girl already just at one month, he spoils her to death! Spoils them both actually but Amya, that's the love of his life. Don't get me wrong though, Aiden is as well, but Amya is his little girl, she's the princess, she has his heart, she has him wrapped around her little finger already.

He swooped her up in his arm as Aiden wrested in the other. "Chres! Put her down, I need to finish dressing her. We have to be at the field five minutes before graduation."

"Okay, okay." He kissed her then laid her back down.

[Twins are in the external link and Chres & Ashanti are in the multimedia]

I finished dressing the kids then we headed to graduation.

Once it was over, Chres' mother took the kids, & everything began to dawn on me. Chres is gonna be leaving in less than two months and I won't see him for four long years....

"Babe, are you okay?" He asked.

I didn't answer, I just continued to stare out the window as we approached our graduation dinner.

Once the car stopped, I reached for the handle but Chres stopped me. "Baby, please talk to me."

I looked over at him and immediately burst into tears. "Aw, baby." He slid his chair back and pulled me into his lap. He held me until my sobs stopped.

"Now talk to me, baby girl." He rubbed my back with one hand and kissed my tears away.

I sighed. "You'll be leaving me soon" I replied sadly. "I'm gonna miss you so much.." I looked down and played with his bow tie. A tear slipped down my cheek.

"Baby girl, I'll only be one plane ride away. Whenever you need me I'll be here if I can, plus we have Skype and face time, you'll get sick of seeing my ugly face after a while." He lifted my chin and I giggled.

"Your face isn't that ugly." I smiled at him.

He chuckled. "Well thanks, ma"

"I'll never get sick of seeing your face, Chres." I said seriously. "That's what keeps me going everyday, besides the kids, you're my life..." I said barely audible. "Anybody can say 'I love you' but not many people can actually say that they are 'in love'. But Chres, I'm in love with you and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You leaving hurts me so much, and now that the kids are here it hurts even more. I know I want you to go and pursue your dreams but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna miss you. Plus, Chres in case you haven't noticed you're a very gorgeous guy any girl will throw themselves at you... what if you meet someone else?" The tears started rolling again. "What if one day you just up and decide that you don't want to be apart of our lives anymore? What if you find another girl that's better and doesn't have this terrible baby fat? What if you get there and you realize that being without us is better than this chaos? And you and I both know that you can't go four years without sex...." That's the part I hated to admit.

"Ohhhh, I see. That's what this is all about." Chres said. "You think I'm gonna get there and run off with some gorgeous, big ass, big titted girl, who has no kids and will fuck me whenever I wanna fuck, is that it?" He looked me dead in the eyes and I nodded, kind of ashamed to hear him repeat what I've basically been thinking all along. "Do you trust me at all, Ashanti?" he asked kind of upset, I know he's upset because he never calls me Ashanti.

"I do b-"

"No!!" I jumped at the sudden pitch of his voice."You don't. You know better than to even think that shit, Ashanti! I'd never do anything to hurt you or our family, dammit I fucking love y'all and you know that!! So why would you think some shit like that? Did somebody plant that shit in your head? Was it Jessica's ghetto ass?"

"N-" I started.

"Damn, Ashanti! You're supposed to be my ride or die, my baby girl, you're supposed to ride with me no matter what, and you're supposed to be able to fucking trust me through EVERYTHING! I'm YOUR man, not them other girls, sure sometimes I might look but YOU'RE THE ONLY person I want on this earth and you know that shit, man. Do you trust me?"

I didn't speak, waiting to see if he'd say anything else.

"Do you!" He yelled at me causing me to jump.

"Y-yes." I said, my voice unsteady. Usually I'd NEVER allow anyone to yell at me like this but it's just something that's stopping me from saying anything... Maybe it's that look in his eyes.

"You don't fucking act like it, Ashanti!" This time he sounded more hurt than angry.. "I'm doing this for our family. Why would I go out and fuck up and lose my kids and girlfriend? The three things that mean more to me than the air I breathe. Baby, y'all are my LIFE and I mean that! I'd never do anything to hurt y'all, Ti."

I blinked back my tears and caressed his face with my hand, he leaned into it and kissed each one of my fingers. "I'm sorry baby." I whispered.

"I know. I am too, I'm sorry for snapping on you. It just made me upset that you'd think I'd do something like that, when you know I love you with all of my heart."

"I know, Chres." I ran my fingers through his short curls.

"Come on let's go in."

"Alright"

We got out of the car and walked towards the door but even though he said I could trust him... it isn't necessarily him I'm worried about... It's the females.... This is gonna be a loooong four years...

Sorry it's so short, it's just something slight until the longer parts start rolling in. I hope y'all enjoyed it :D