I woke up, trying to feel around me to only feel leather. Was it just a dream?
Of course it was. Ashton wouldnt have stayed the night. I felt my stomach churn, I got up and ran to the bathroom down the hall and opened the door, throwing my body onto the carpet infront of the toilet and puked out the bile in my stomach.
I just felt extremely sick, and I think it was due to the hot chocolate from last night. My body just kept gagging up the fluids from my stomach.
I felt as though my body was just eating itself up, my throat was aching and I only felt the heaves and blood rush out my mouth.
I stopped and rested my forehead on the toilet seat while flushing and wiping my mouth with the black towel hanging.
"Brin-" his voice stopped midway as he saw me. I couldnt even look up at him but within seconds I could feel his arms wrap tightly around me and hold me to him.
"What did you do to yourself.." he whispered, tears brimming the edge of his eyes, and my heart broke seeing that.
"D-" I tried spoeaking but my throat was burning and I felt as if every time I opened my mouth, the hollow of my thraot was being shredded apart. He pulled me closer to his warm body.
I felt the moisture hit my cheek, causing me to look up at this beautiful boy who was crying over my idiocity and lack of control.
"Ashton.." I choked out, wincing as my throat burned 1000 suns. "Dont talk, I know you cant.." his lip quivered as the silent tears fell down his cheeks and into my hair.
I reached my hand up and wiped them away, shaking my head. He pulled me closer, "Im scared that when I leave, there will be nothing left of you when I get back.." he choked out, the truth coming out as did the waterfall of tears.
I felt myself crying as my body began to shake. I gripped his shoulders as I hugged him, trying to pull him as close as possible. We both knew he had to leave soon to pack and help everyone.
I didnt want him to. I knew I would get worse.
I felt somewhat content with Ashton, and I didnt want that stolen away from me.
It's like having Channing taken away all over again.
"I dont want to go.." his whispered, I burried my face into his chest notifying him that I didnt want that either.
"I would take you, but we all know that cant happen. We both have futures." he spoke softly while running his gentle fingers up and down my spine.
Ashton picked me up and carried me back to our make shift bed which was the couch, he positioned us how we fell asleep last night.
I listened to the steady movements of his heart beat. It soothed me and I never wanted it to leave. He was my new light that has faded since Channing's departure. I knew that I feel the distress again. I would go out to her grave every night and freeze.
I would torture myself because my mind allowed me the satisfaction of pain. It welcomed it more than it welcomed the caring people that rarely surrounded me.
Ashton
I woke up and began making us both a breakfast, I asked Anna what to make her and she directed to just give her 3 nuts and some warm tea. I did just that along with making myself some pancakes.
I thanked heaven that she had some sort of food here, but I knew she directed herself away from this portion of the loft, the only thing being grabbed was the multiple water bottles held captive in the fridge.
I head feet stammering down the hallway and the vocals of someone throwing up. I moved the pan away from the hot surface and ran down the hall and towards the bathroom.
I got there right when she rested her forehead on the lid of the toilet, her face pale. My chest tightened and I felt breathless. The tint of red in her full lips showed how she obviously just threw up blood.
I walked to her and just pulled her to me, I didnt want to let her go, I didnt want to leave. I only had 2 more hours with her and I wanted them to actually last.
---
I looked down to my chest at the way Brinley fell asleep. I didnt blame her, emptying out your stomach makes one tired and it's something I understood.
I checked my phone and saw that I needed to leave, I have been here for more than 2 hours left. I slid her peaceful body to the side as I slid out from beneath her.
I didnt want to leave but I had to. I sat on my knees, watching as her breathing steadied before clutching the covers in place of me.
I leaned forward and placed a small peck to her forehead and took a piece of paper and began writing her a note.
Brinley,
When you see this, please realize that it isnt my choice to leave. If it was up to me I would stay here with you until you leave to broaden your life into the magnificant beauty dance has to offer for you. From now forward, I dont know when would be the next time I appear and see your lovely face. I would want to stay to keep you from harm, to hold your hand and guide you through the proccess of recovering.
You're beautiful Brinley Rose, and dont sell yourself short. You're currently sleeping and I feel bad for departing this way. I will keep in contact as much as I can.
Much love, Ashton
I set her phone on top of the letter and looked at her once more before leaving out the loft, locking it on the way out.
---
I moved things onto the tour bus, groaning inwardly as I tried to lift something with Luke that was obviously 10x both of our weights combined.
"This is so stupid." he huffed. I nodded in agreement as we finally got it up the final step and just pushed it to a certain area of the bus.
"I hate moving things." I groaned, fixing the bandana on my head and airing my body with my own rolling stones muscle tee.
"Ashton, we're hungry." Michael pouted while clinging his sweaty body to my own. "Oh god. No Michael, get off"
Brinley
I woke up, feeling an empty pressence once more. I felt my stomach drop as I turned to see a piece of paper underneath my phone.
I picked the paper up while sitting up right and began reading it, I laughed lightly while allowing the tears to fall freely.
The gears in my mind began to twirl as I knew it was registering my loneliness already. My chest contracted and separated within the minute and I knew I had to breathe and calm myself.
I just hope that was enough.
