Grief

depression

Hey before I start the chapter, I want to say that I wouldn't have enough inspiration to write this chapter if I didn't listen to the song Goner by Twenty One Pilots on repeat. If you want some music to listen to as you read I would recommend that. (Plus Twenty One Pilots is one of my favorite bands. |-/) Okay, I won't rant. Enjoy frens.

Summer was ending and the warmth of the sun was already beginning to be replaced with the chill of September. John was alone again. He was not totally alone, though. Now He had a purpose. He forced himself from his warm bed and started to get ready. John was so thankful for Molly. If it wasn't for her help, he would be living on the street by now. John remembered the moment as if it was yesterday. After they had finished eating at the dinner, Molly and John sat in the pink car, sun beating down on their necks. When she mentioned a possible job at a nearby clinic, John was filled with both awe and confusion. 

He wanted a Job more than anything. It was something to do. Something to keep his mind off of the nightmares that continued at day. he could focus instead on something good. Something that could help people. If there was a chance for him to have that, he would trip over his own feet trying to get there. There was one thing that still puzzled John. How did she manage to get this good of a job for me? Even if he was good at the job, no one would want someone in his condition caring for them.  Plus, after all of the positive and negative media attention from him working with Sherlock, no one would care to hire him. Somehow Molly had gotten him a job as a physician there and they gladly accepted him. 

Back in the present, John put on his shoes and patiently waited for Molly to come and drive him to work. John didn't have a car and the small clinic was on the way for her so it worked.  So far, the job had been great.  Anything to take his mind off things and keep him busy. Even the new distraction, however, didn't keep his mind from drifting back to depressing thoughts.  The visits from his old friends were becoming fewer and fewer. Outside, rain poured steadily, a constant ping against the utter silence. 

honk

John looked outside to see Molly outside in her car. Still distracted, he swung a coat over his cold shoulders and ran out into the rain. The ride was spent in delicate silence. The pair hadn't talked much since she had visited him months before. When they did talk on the car rides, it was always small talk. John hated small talk. 

In the silence, john looked outside and traced the raindrops that dripped down the window sill. It was something he always had done as a child to pass the time and was one of the few childish acts that he allowed himself to carry through adulthood. While his parents would talk often argue in the front seat, John would race the crystal raindrops, pretending like nothing else existed. That was when he was little. That was before he grew up and had to face his problems head first. The car came to a stop by the entrance of the hospital. "Like now." he mumbled under his breath.

 He made his way towards the building in front of him. The rain had only slightly slowed down but John didn't mind. He enjoyed the feel of the cool refreshing drops landing on his head.  John entered, making sure to keep his head down.  He figured if he didn't look at people, they wouldn't look at him. He knew that he couldn't be a good friend to anyone so he didn't want anyone to be a good friend to him.  

That being said he was growing incredibly lonely.  His head was split into two parts. The dark part that said that no one would be his friend and he didn't need one. The light side said that he needs friends to survive.The dark part always took over. John knew deep down that the dark part wasn't him. He was never like that. It was like a monster climbed into his mind and took over and could not be beaten by the power of the light.