Grief

Acceptance: part one.

Note: I'm sorry if this chapter sounds really cheesy. I've never actually been in a relationship so I'm writing it with only the experiences of other people,  T.V, and books. I'm breaking this chapter into two parts because I kind of like the ending spot and I don't have many more chapters to write. Enjoy!

 December-

John buttoned up his new shirt. Today was the day. Today was the day he was going to ask out Mary Morstan. After weeks listening to office rumors, he had finally gotten her name.  It had been an inside joke between them since they met. He would ask her and she would just laugh before refusing him of the honor. John had to rely on the chatting of two other girls by the desk to mention her. When he had told Mary the news, she looked shocked but then laughed, replying, "Well. You're a sneaky little spy, aren't you!"

Why didn't she just tell me her name? John wondered. But he was too afraid to ask and always shied away.  

 She didn't seem to have too many close at the clinic and neither did John so they often ate lunch together. Their conversations had been boring and mainly about people around the office. John hadn't yet built up the nerve to talk to her about his life just over a year ago. Mary was a hard egg to crack. She didn't seem interested in talking about herself. Still, they enjoyed their time together. 

Lunch with Mary was by far the best part of his day. It meant a lot to have someone to talk to. Someone to acknowledge him. Someone to look at him as something other than a freak. People seemed to treat her a bit weird as well. She did kind of pop up out of nowhere.  Mary was not a freak. Not to John.

John got into his new car, a small silver Toyota, and started the engine. He was happy he had finally saved up enough money to support himself as well as splurge on a car.  He ran his hands through his hair, the nerves getting to him.  He tried turning on the radio but that didn't help. John rode in silence to the clinic with only his thoughts to accompany him. 

When he walked into the building, John was too apprehensive to give eye contact. Instead, he walked with his head down, tapping his fingers rhythmically against his legs. Although he was mainly nervous, he felt one emotion he had not truly felt since the accident. John Watson felt hope.

 He got to his office and closed the door, pacing the room as he practiced the situation he had repeated so many times in his head. He would have asked her out a long time ago if only Mary wasn't so beautiful. Right when he thought he was prepared to do it and he had everything he wanted to say planned out, he was so stunned by her that his words stayed stuck to his tongue, forcing only indissociable mumbles to come out. Mary would laugh it off but John would still leave embarrassed. 

Back in reality, John struggled to gather his thoughts as he planned out the conversation. He couldn't seem to put the thoughts into sentences that were not gibberish. 

"Mary, I was wondering if you...I mean we... ugh! Dang it!" 

"Hey Mary, do you want to...Ugh!"

"Hey Mary, I was wondering, are you free on Tues...I mean Friday... Ugh!"

After half the day of practicing this aloud and in his head without progress, he decided he was going to wing it. Maybe this just made it worse. He just needed to tell her how he felt but how could he do that without messing up and rambling like an idiot?

As the hours leading to his lunch break winded down, John's mind was not on his appointments. He was pretty sure he gave three people the wrong medicine and misdiagnosed a few broken bones as sprains. The more hours that passed, the more butterflies he felt fluttering around in his empty stomach. 

When the final patient before lunch left, John was all nerves. He closed the door and sat down, tapping his foot restlessly as he checked his appearance in the reflective screen of his open laptop.  She is coming.

John could hear her footsteps and everytime her heels clicked on the tile floor, his heart pounded louder in his chest. John struggled to calm himself down.

  Come on. he told himself. It's only a girl. She's not going to hurt you...hopefully. Come on John. You've done so many scarier things. You solved crimes with Sherlock for years, putting yourself in danger almost every day. You fought in a war for peat's sake! Guns shot at you from all around. This isn't that bad. I'm ready.

Mary knocked on the door, proving the last thought wrong. John was definitely not ready. "Here goes nothing," he mumbled under his breath. He opened the door in one swift pull, like tearing off a band-aid. At his first glance of her, all of his breath was gone. 

She was wearing a black and white striped sweater with black pants. A long red coat matched her bright red heels. She was gorgeous.

John cleared his throat, attempting to talk and break the tension. When he opened his mouth, however, no words seemed to come out. She looked at him, trying to get to speak.  John stood speechless, desperately trying to be cool. Mary laughed a bit, realizing how nervous he was.  Her laugh, however, did little to ease the tension as he grew red hot from embarrassment. 

"So," began Mary. "You said to meet you here. Here I am." 

John chuckled. Her personality and jokes were calming his nerves. Finally able to relax, he took a deep breath and began the question.

  Here it goes.

"So. I don't really know how to say this. I haven't really done this before. Well, I have but not with anyone as beautiful as you are and..." 

John stopped looking at Mary. He could tell that she knew what he was going to say. She just enjoyed watching him. Her eyes bore into him, eagerly waiting for John to finish. They were the one part of Mary that remained childish. They said that eyes stare into your soul but Mary's stared into his heart. 

John shook the thoughts from his head and swallowed before continuing. 

"Mary Morstan. Would you go out with me?"

John watched as Mary's face suddenly lit up, a smile taking up her face and warming his heart.

"Yes!"

John stumbled back in his office and grabbed his coat. Mary followed him confused. 

"wait you mean like now?" She said with a laugh. 

"That was my plan," said John. "I have a very special place in mind. Mary, it's time I told you the truth about me."

Well, that was part one of acceptance. What do you guys think? I can't believe I am already almost done with this fanfic. It is so much fun to write and I really thank and acknowledge the people who are reading it and especially the people who left comments. Even if it is just a few people, it really encourages me to write it. Don't worry, I'm not done yet. After the part two for acceptance, I am going to have an epilogue to tie things up. I have been spending such a long time on this fanfic that I don't know what to write next. If anyone has any suggestions, you can leave them in the comments. Would you guys like me to do a Supernatural version of this idea? If you would, please leave a comment letting me know. Thanks!