Disrupted🪭

23 - Joke of the Century

Ichigo blinked in confusion at Renji as Renji stared at him in his own confusion. Ichigo looked back at the woman who was talking to the other members of Squad 11. She was slightly tall for a woman but she was also dressed very inappropriately as well. Her shihakusho had the arms torn off to match the haori's arm length that just barely went over her shoulders. She was wearing the kosode open and a bandage covered her quite large breasts. Her long pink hair was about to her hips and there was a crossbone on the side of her head. There was a scar across her neck and across her chest where it looked like she may have gotten into a fight that was too intense.

"You're telling me that you don't recognize her?" Renji said with worry in his voice.

"I've never seen that woman in my life."

"She's going to be piiiiissed..." Renji grumbled, looking at the woman. "I would suggest you act like you didn't say that."

"Wait, what the hell is going on here? I don't understand what's happening-"

"Icchi?" Ichigo looked over as the woman looked over at him and her face lit up. "Icchi! You're back!"

She ran over to him, her arms held up high and jumped, forcing Ichigo to catch her in his arms as they both toppled to the ground. She straddled his midsection as she pulled up from him, looking down at him with a wistful expression.

"I thought you said it was going to take a month or two to complete your mission. You lied, Icchi."

"Uh..." He looked at Renji who made a gesture not to reveal he didn't know what was going on. "I... wanted to... surprise you. Yup."

The woman frowned and leaned back on Ichigo's bent legs.

"This is a weird way to surprise me."

"I thought I'd try something different. If you... uh..." Renji moved his hand in a circular motion, indicating that it was going well. "If I surprised you the same way all the time, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

The woman grinned, a hint of deviousness in it and put her hands beside his head on the ground, straddling over him.

"True. You're so smart, Strawberry-kun..."

She leaned down to kiss him but Ichigo could only take so much and put his hand in her face. The woman suddenly back flipped from his lap and pulled out her sword.

"Aha! I knew it!"

"Kenpachi-" Renji started as the woman turned her sword to him.

"What the hell is this, Radish? Huh? Where's Icchi? WHERE'S MY HUSBAND?!" she growled, her spiritual pressure becoming dangerous.

Renji grabbed Ichigo and ran off with him in tow.

************************

As the two hid, breathing hard, Ichigo hit Renji over the head with his fist.

"What the hell was that? Why did you make me lie to her?"

"I thought she wouldn't realize anything but I was wrong..."

"Who was that?! That's not Kenpachi."

"Yes it is."

"No, the Kenpachi I know is a big guy who's crazy with spiky hair, an eye patch on one eye, and a long scar down his face. That's the Kenpachi I know."

Renji blinked at him with a horrified look.

"You mean Captain Zaraki?"

"Yeah."