Bought #complete (Sequel to Sold)

Chapter Eighteen

You have made my days a mere handbreadth, the span of my years is nothing before you.

Note to self
This winter seems colder. I'm on the streets, alone and helpless. This feels worse than when I was in that house. I want to fall asleep and never wake up.

Sisi pulled the note book shut and closed her eyes. Whoever wrote this journal had been where she was. Maybe not exactly the same situation but as she read the book, she bonded emotionally with it. It almost felt like someone had reached into her soul and pulled out those words.

She tossed the book back on the side table and picked herself off of the bed. She didn't have the time to sit and feel sorry for herself, Tia needed her. She pulled on a white T shirt and black jeans and pulled her hair up in a bun then she called a taxi to take her to the Hospital.

As soon as she got to Tia's room and pushed the door open, she found Andrew, his head bowed over Tia. She couldn't hear what was being said but she saw that Tia was crying.

“Tia” She approached them and Andrew glanced up. “What's going on here?”

“We were praying” He said and she glared at him. He had no right to be praying with her.

“Andrew, may I please speak with you outside?” He nodded and followed her out the door. “What are you doing?” He looked confused. “Why were you trying to force religion on Tia by giving her false hope that your God can heal her?”

“Woah!” He held up his palm. “I wasn't giving her false hope, Sisi, we were just praying”

“Exactly. Praying to what end? She can't be healed, she has no reason to pray especially to a God who doesn't care” She said through her teeth.

“So you are forbidding her from praying or you are forbidding me?” He stared at her, green eyes digging into her very soul.

“I'm asking you not to lie to her”

He stepped forward and held her face in his hand. He looked into her eyes “I'm asking you to put anger away long enough to actually see” Pulling away, he stepped back into the room and she followed him.

Nothing else was said between them but Tia seemed happier.

“Have you had something to eat?” She asked Tia who nodded her head and smiled.

Pulling off her oxygen mask, she whispered. “I love you, Mum”

Sisi sucked in her breath at those words being directed at her. Nobody had ever referred to her as a mother. Tears fell from her eyes and she hurriedly swept them away.

“I love you too” She said and Tia smiled.

****

Andrew watched the exchange with a sad smile on his face. Tia had turned to God. She was dying but she was going to be with the Lord. He was happy for her but sad for Sisi. Tia's eventual death would crush her and with no comfort of the Holy Spirit, she might not survive it. Hence, the journal he gave her. Had she even bothered to read it yet? He hoped she had, he prayed she had.

She reminded him so much of himself, all the anger he held inside his heart for so many years, too many years. Anger that kept him away from comfort, away from God.

****

Sisi laid in bed that night, her eyes coming to rest on the journal once more. She picked it up and flipped the pages.

Note to self
I turned to drugs today. Don't blame me. I need some kind of escape. I have found that even if I'm away from home, I'm not truly free. I need to get away and I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I can't get a job either, no one seems to want a homeless guy.

She flipped the page.

Note to self
I've had death on my mind a lot lately. I can't seem to get it out. The thought of death has made me to begin to think about what happens next. Where do I go after I'm dead.

Tears filled her eyes. She understood the writer's feeling, the feeling of longing for death, yet fearing it. What if dying was worse than living? It was the same fear that kept her from ending her life.