Your sitting at your desk, You know its time to go. You've said that to yourself over a Million times, but this time you know for sure its > Real < . You're tired, You're just so VERY Tired. Your parents pissed you off, like school wasn't bad enough already. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or just whatever you choose to use, Because your > That < Desperate to leave. Your ready . You think of it at just some game, the first one dead is the first one who wins and is happy. No one's home, it's the perfect time. Your > Ready < if you dont do it now your just gonna look down on yourself even more forever. Your gonna > Hate < yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know. Until later on. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you go for the video camera, along with a chair. Your standing on the chair, you decide to go with the rope, your gone > Instantly < no one to stop you, and there will be no noise. Once that rope is tied to the fan while the other is already around your neck, your in tears and you > Know < it's forreal this time, you can feel it. You turn on the video camera and you just stare at that red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words, "Mom, Dad, Im Sorry. i don't know why im sorry but im sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I don't know who i am anymore, I've lost myself and I seem to not be able to find my way back. Please don't blame yourself, Please! I love you both. Please tell my siblings the same. Stay Strong and Stay Safe < Even though I couldn't. I'll see you all soon." You say sorry to your bestfriend because you know you won't be able to be there for him anymore, Especially when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you can think of. Even yourself. You're sorry for not being strong anymore, you're sorry for breaking down, you're sorry for putting everyone through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again, at that red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you being to mouth the word "Goodbye" you have the remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand, your pointer finger on the off button already, you click that button and as soon as you see that light go off -- you go off. Both feet are now off the chair, that chair is on the floor. The room is filled with silence, your dead. Your gone. Theres > No < going back. Everything is over. You don't have to live in pain anymore. But everyone else will, what are your parents gonna think?, what about your little brother, or your little sister?, what are they gonna do? Your gone. Your dead. There's > no < going back. You ended your life, because the person you liked only thought of you as a friend? You ended your life because that > One < teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knew you where going somewhere in life? Your parents are home now. They call your name telling you that they're home, just like they normally do whenever they get home. But somethings different, you don't answer, they don't hear your voice. They get worried. You > always < answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Your little sister hears her and comes up after her. She screams "Daddy Help!" She runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up, "Wake up!, wake up please, Stop wake up!" But you don't answer. Your not waking up. You're > Gone < You're > Dead < There's > No < waking up. There's > No < going back. Your dad came running upstairs and all he could do was stare. He watches his > Baby Girl < swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera, and he sees the chair. But he doesn't move. He's stiff as a board. He cries, Your dad > Never < cries. He picks up the phone and calls > 911< . He can barely get the words "My daughter committed suicide." out of his mouth. He's in tears, your little sister stares at your dad, He hangs up and she jumps right into your daddy's arms, crying harder than ever. She's too young to understand completely, but she knows you're gone. She knows that your > Dead < and that your > Not < coming back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive, they take your mom out of your room, they push your dad and sister out of the room. Now they are in the living room. They take your body down off those ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go. Just like that. In the blink of an eye everything happens and everything was over. You're > Gone < . You're > Dead < . There's > No < going back. Nothings the same. Your Mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Sometimes maybe even the whole day. Your little sister still hasn't returned to school. Your dad was forced to go back to work to pay all the bills for your wake and your funeral. Eventually, they found the strength to go back into your room. your door hasn't been opened for > Two Months < The rope is still laying on the floor the same place the cops put it, and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They don't even > Dare < to watch that video. It will > Never < be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spine. Your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed -- making it neat, like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your desk was empty, it didn't have those little sticky notes you use to leave before you ran to the bus saying "Have a Good Day mom remember to smile." or "Have fun at work dad." You pretended to be so happy you even tricked yourself. Your bed was made and your room was clean, they shut the door and it remained shut. Your school is still in disstress, you thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. Remember that girl that said "No" to being your lab partner? Yeah, she cuts every single night now because she thinks its her fault that you died. You remember that boy that tripped you by accident and just looked at you and didn't say sorry? Yeah, he's in suicidal therapy five days a week in the hospital because he feels a smile could have saved your life and he didn't give that to you. Do you remember that teacher that was hard on you that day? She quit her job because she felt she wasn't suited to teach anymore. You're > Gone < You're > Dead < There's > No < going back. Four years have passed now -- your little sister is now 15 years old. She started a club, it's in her school dedicated to you. > Secrets, is what she calls it. < The club is one for kids to speak their hearts without anyone to judge or laugh at them. < They can say anything they want to. And talk about anything they needed to. If they were suicidal < they'd always have someone to talk to < that was > Your < problem, you didn't wanna talk to anyone. You had everything bottled inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet, and you > Acted < as if you had the perfect life. You played that happy character so well, that even > You < started to believe it. You would be so happy all day and as soon as you layed in bed that night, the thoughts came back. A little fight with you and your parents could've set you off -- But, with everything bottled up inside of you for > Years <, you jusst hit your limits. You're > Gone < . You're > Dead < . There's > No < going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries > Every < single night. Your dad is't as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side, moving her in the right direction, she needed you. Your best friend is still torn apart, he needed you. Your parents don't know what to do, they needed you. Your school now has a club dedicated to you so teens will not make the same mistake as you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile, that's all you needed to show you that everything will be ok, But since you're gone, just know people cared, people always have cared, and people always will care. You were just way too upset to see that back then, you were just to caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared, when the truth was -- more people cared about you more than you ever thought they would. And you know what sucks? It sucks that you see that after you're gone and you didn't see that when you were still here. Your town will never be the same a girl is gone, a special girl, a girl who thought no one cared -- everyone cared, i promise you. They care, they always have cared, and they always will care. They loved you, no matter what, they will still always love you.
