Prison Fic (Jacob Sartorius x reader)

Chapter 6

As we cruise at a steady 127 miles per hour Cooter veers the truck expertly around the country road, only running over a few people. He leaned out the truck window and pulled out his plastic shotguns again, firing wildly at the passing cars we sped by. I think he might have hit a fleeing pedestrian or something but I felt us go over a large bump.

As we pull into a shady looking gas station Cooter hops out and fills up the truck. While he is doing this, a cop strolls up and confronts Cooter. "Sir, do you know how fast you were going back there?"

Cooter shrugs and smiles a toothless smirk. "You're tryna tell me.. That i can't go 127 miles an hour on a highway?"

The officer walks up to Cooter and Cooter, acting instinctively from his hillbilly fandom, shoots him. (GORE WARNING) A giant, gaping hole in the officer's head is created as chunks of brain and blood fling in a radius of up to ten feet.

He speeds off, after topping off of course, and I'm still in the back of the truck holding on for dear life. I hear the sound of at LEAST 14 cop cars speeding after us. Rolf pulls a DS he found in the Goodwill dumpster and starts playing Mario Kart. Cooter hands me 2 of his REAL revolvers and I take pot shots at the police. A roadblock has already been setup but Cooter speeds through it, taking HEAVY damage on his tires. "Consarnit!" he screams. He plows through the cop cars and send them flying to the side of the road. I hear a distant "MY LEG!" One of the police broke his leg I guess. I check my global positioning cistem. "GPS lady, how far until Mexico?" I ask. "dID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?" she yells triggerdly. "Yes," I reply. Holding her tongue, like the SLAVE she is, she tells me that there are 15 minutes until Salsatown. Our plan is to go to the neighboring town, Flavortown and meet up with Guy Fieri, AKA Daddy. I hear a helicopter flying overhead and before even thinking, I grab Rolf and fireman's carry him and dive off of the 167 mph truck. I do an expert p-roll that I learned in my parkour class ($27.99 a month check it out memeparkour.com) and we are both unharmed. HA. The Apache helicopter launched a ballistic missile at the truck. R.I.P. Cooter. He's hillbillying with Bolbi and Beda, and Gabby's fetus now. Nobody liked Gabby anyway so she's not included.

I drop Rolf on the dirt and he gets up, and we sprint the rest of the way to Mexico. We climb under the barbed wire fence and we're in Mexico now. Rolf and I walk around for a bit, looking for any kind of sign pointed towards Salsatown. We wander for a while when I see a Genderole store. Man, I could really go for some gender-neutral pastries right now. Before we walk in, we realize that we're broke. Rolf is so shocked at the fact that he owns less than 30 million dollars now. "What the frickle frackle dude?? I c-c-can't believe this" Suddenly Rolf gasps and goes into cardiac arrest. There's nothing I can do but carry Rolf with me. I sling his unconscious body over my shoulder and walk up to the nearest kid who's riding his bike to the genderole store. I confront him and say "Hey gimme some cash" He doesn't respond, probably because he doesn't speak English. With no other choice, I swing Rolf's body around and knock the kid off his bike, stealing his wallet and his watch. I stash the kid's body behind a dumpster I found in the back of the gas station and walk in the genderole store. I walk over to the gender-neutral pastries and grab a few, then take them up to the cashier where i throw down a couple of bills and run out the door with the pastries. I slap slap and clap clap Rolf awake and he's up from his cardiac arrest. We escape behind a dumpster and as always, snuggle in the trash. I hear multiple rats scurrying around as I hand Rolf a pastry. "Hey this is pretty good!" he says. "Don't assume its pronouns!" I spit back at him. A rat suddenly jumps up and grabs the half eaten pastry out of Rolf's hands.

"What a RAT move" I say, laughing out loud. (XD) Suddenly, I hear an all too familiar "EHHHH." I feel Rolf cling tight to me, but it's too late. The four ruffians drag us out of the dumpster. How scandalous. They proceed to beat us, but something is familiar about the beating. They're slap slap slapping us! They had to be taught by Bolbi. But Bolbi is dead? How could they learn? I clap clap clap against their might. "We know BOLBI," I scream.

Suddenly, the slap slap slapping ceases, just like Beda's corpse. The minions stop and stare at us and scuttle like young crabs to a corner and whisper to each other. After a few seconds of whispering, they turn back around and the roundest one punches Rolf in the face sending him into another cardiac arrest, and the last thing I remember before seeing blackness is a pudgy fist flopping against my fupa..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hEY guys! Sorry about the short chapter, but I've been super doooooooper busy. :3

More is coming on the way and I'm real excited!!! XOXO ~ JacobSartorius33

♪┏ ( ･o･) ┛♪┗ (･o･ ) ┓♪┏(･o･)┛♪ ★~(◠ω⊙✿)