Wow its been a long time since I have even thought about Wattpad...
I've been in college for about 3 weeks now, and I can definitely say that it isn't all that I expected it to be. There's a lot of free time. A lot. Probably too much for my own good. Lesson number one, learn how to manage your time so that you don't spend all of your time inside marathoning Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix instead of making more friends. I'm lucky that my suitemates are really cool, for the most part. Our room is always cold though, which is alright since my preferred state of being is wrapped inside at least one fuzzy blanket. Having cool suitemates makes it even easier to just stay in your room all the time, so its like a double-edged blade really. I've met an adequate amount of people who I might consider to be my friends, but once classes started it was really hard to get together with everyone. I'm also too anxious and shy to try to meet new people, especially because now everyone isn't as desperate to make friends.
However, even though people are less desperate to make friends, they are very desperate to make relationships. Like dating. ALL of the freshmen boys are thirsty as fuck. The first week alone I was asked out twice. One was even on the very first day. That never happens, especially not to me. I found it pretty funny, until I realized that it makes it really hard to get guy friends, because you never know which guys are actually looking for dates. It is super stressful for me, since my last relationship affected me in such a way where I don't know if I will ever trust a guy to be close to me emotionally again. It was emotionally manipulative and sexually coercive, which can really fuck a girl up mentally. But hey, we get free therapy on campus! I'm just saying that it makes day to day living a bit complicated.
The paragraph above really comes into play regarding parties. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't party. I've never really been to a "party." I don't drink, I don't smoke or do drugs, and I don't really dance. However, parties are a great way to meet people. Therefore, I've really been wanting to go to a party. On campus, the only parties are frat parties or little pop-up parties in people's rooms. As someone who doesn't party, I managed to surround myself with other people who don't party either, therefore I don't hear about those little room parties. And as explained in the previous paragraph, I don't trust guys enough to go to a frat party. But I still really want to go to a party. Its quite the predicament. I could make the choice to start drinking so that I'd fit in at these parties, but the idea of not being in control of myself around a bunch of guys I don't know nearly gives me a panic attack. But still, I have the freedom to make that choice or not.
I have to say that I do enjoy the amount of freedom that college offers. Like, getting to make your own choices and not being told what to do. I do everything that I have to even without being told, which feels nice. I get to eat when and what I want, and I'm trying to be a lot healthier. Being in control of my food and exercise allows me to be more conscientious, which is great. I actually go to the fitness center, and I walk and bike everywhere. I also eat salad with most of my meals. I recently went back home for a brief visit and nearly went crazy due to my mom constantly nagging at me like she did in high school. Always, "have you done laundry?" "do you shower?" and my favorite, "go put on some makeup." It just made me really appreciate college a lot more.
I've been keeping a journal of everything I do, since I figure I will want to look back on this year and cringe in the future. I've been tossing around the idea of making a YouTube channel too just for fun, but I know that'll be a huge time suck. I guess I'm starting this to have something else to look back and cringe about. Not really expecting it to be read by anyone, but I just want to get it out there. In my group of friends that used to use Wattpad, its pretty much fallen out of use, but if y'all read this then heeeeeey! Surprise, if you didn't know that crap about my last relationship!
Something I just realized that is funny, I have a paper due two days from now at midnight which I haven't even started. The paper is supposed to be an 800 word paper, and I just wrote this whole thing (which is over 800 words) instead. I really need to work on that procrastination, but at least now I know that writing 800 words doesn't actually take that long. Guess I should probably go do that. Realistically I'm just gonna wait until tomorrow though. Wish me luck.
