I'm gonna have a lot of fun writing this, I can already tell. Especially since you might never see it. I'm not too worried about hurting your feelings, actually I couldn't care less about whether or not I hurt your feelings. A warning to everyone else, this will be explicit.
I just want to start off by saying that I definitely believe that I loved you at some point, and I'd like to believe that you loved me, too. That is, in whatever capacity two teens in high school have to feel love. It wasn't always an unhealthy relationship, but it had its flaws just like any relationship.
I was naive. I didn't think I was, but looking back now, I can definitely point out the warning signs that I missed. I went to a sex education camp before freshman year, where I learned about healthy relationships and warning signs of dating abuse, so I never thought something like that could happen to me. I was sure that I wouldn't become just another statistic in the book. One of my first memories of being with you was in the park by the duck pond, sitting on that little bench where we waited for our friends to wander off so that we could be alone. I remember you kissing me, gently at first but then it changed completely. It was possessive and dominating, and I remember you groping me under my shirt, me moving your hand away, and then you waiting a few seconds before moving your hand back, but on top of my shirt instead. I let it stay there, because what harm could it do? I'd never been touched like that before, and I had always been told that boys will be boys and their hormones are what make them like that. I just accepted it as normal and moved on.
Little did I know, that was your first conquest of many. I don't think you were aware that anything you were doing was wrong, because you were taught all the same things as I was. Boys will be boys. No means maybe, try again later. But I wasn't trying to be a tease, I wasn't trying to be coy. For me, no meant no. However, you always found a way to persuade me into turning my no into a yes.
You found out very early that it is rather easy to control my emotions. After all, my parents had a nasty divorce, and I didn't really know what a healthy relationship looked like. I really wanted to be wanted. I was depressed, I have anxiety, and just wanted someone to help me. I wasn't emotionally stable, so you became my rock. I can't count how many times you talked me down from my dark place, even though you loved to remind me that you hated talking on the phone. However, you took the power I gave you and you ran with it. Nothing was ever your fault, I was just being irrational. After all, I'm the mentally unstable half of this relationship. We dated for ten months, but we were involved for about two years.
It started with the touching, but it quickly graduated into pretty much everything else. I had never done anything more than kiss anyone else, so it was all new and scary for me, but you convinced me that it was normal, that's just what couples do. If I really loved you, I'd do this, that, or the other. There's a term for that. Sexual Coercion. Its a shitty thing to do to a person. And once I gave you everything, you were done with me. But not quite. For the year after our breakup, you continued to use me for your own pleasure but manipulating my emotions. You still failed to see the negative impacts. How fucking blind and apathetic must you be? Either that or you genuinely only think about yourself. And hey, you're an only child so you're used to being the center of attention and getting what you want.
While we were dating, I counseled the very same camp that I had attended before high school, and I still didn't put two and two together. I think I started to realize everything, but I didn't want to know the truth. I did confront you about your porn addiction, I hope that is all going well. You really didn't like having me tell you that something was wrong with you, but you needed to hear it. Honestly I think a lot of your problems stem from that, its a real problem. Like the whole, treating girls like sex objects, and sex is the only reason for a relationship. You never wanted to go on dates. You only wanted to stay in your house watching movies, playing Super Smash Bros, watching YouTube, or looking at Magic the Gathering cards. I planned, executed, and paid for pretty much all our dates, you never helped. I pretty much had to drag you to the dances, where you never told me that I looked beautiful, only that I was sexy and should take my clothes off later.
