Noah

May 16th 2014

Running whilst being throwing violently left and right can be difficult. Impossible, even. My advice would be to try to keep your weight balanced between both feet, bend your knees and try to channel your inner spring as you bounce off every tangible surface.

Mind you, it can be difficult to form coherent thoughts when one is in pursuit of a dangerous criminal on a public train hurtling along the tracks so fast your legs turn to jelly.

The criminal in question was a tall-ish bald bloke who looked like he'd stepped straight out of a 'British Stereotypes' catalogue.

I'd been following him for nearly half an hour, when he suddenly made a beeline for a train like it were the only can of baked beans left on the shelf in an apocalypse. The doors were closing quickly behind him, but I managed to get on the last carriage without getting stuck in the doors. As the speakers gave the inevitably irritating "Please stand clear of the doors!", the guy turned around and immediately spotted me like I was wearing a pair of neon boxers on my head.

As the train left the station, he got to running, leaving me to stagger drunkenly after him.

It being rush hour in central London, the underground was packed full of teenagers and business men in expensive suits that looked tired of their lives. As the bald man shoved his way through the train's tiny carriages, I was having more trouble behind as I struggled against the motion of the train and haggle of people who were considerably taller than me.

It was like trying to push my way through a particularly thick copse of human-shaped trees. What didn't help was that most of them were holding on to avoid being thrown over in the train's motion. I was having slightly more trouble, being tossed left and right by the train's angry trundling.

"OUT OF THE WAY!" I shouted, shoving my way through and pulling a black wallet out of my pocket. "FBI! EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

I flashed the gold badge in the wallet importantly like it was more than than a plastic kid's toy from a pound shop (which it was) and the crowds parted obligingly as though I were holding a nuclear bomb.

As the crowds parted, I charged through, not giving them enough time to get a proper look at the cheap knock-off of a badge. As people tumbled, in a blind panic, to get out of my way, I gained a lot of time on the criminal. The entire time I was running I had my eyes on the back of his bald head and I saw him glance back a couple times in the vain hope that I'd given up.

Abruptly, the train pulled into a station, stopping with a sharp jerking motion. As I tried to keep running, my leg slipped out beneath me under the inevitable force of the train's jolt and I fell momentarily on the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw many of the train's passengers herd of the train to the central stop.

With the grace and elegance of a three-legged elephant, I pushed myself up to my feet in a hurry, only to be shoved backwards when the train started moving again. As it kicked into its natural, rhythmic trundling, I started pushing forwards again, having briefly lost the guy in the haggle of people. However, I soon spotted his shiny head glimmering in the crowds.

Keeping my eyes glued firmly to him once more, I started running again. The next stop was about three minutes away, so I figured I should have enough time to catch up to him before I was hurled off-course by the train stopping again.

The train seemed to rock even more steadily as we passed from one carriage to the next. The train was one of the older ones, and so there was a small moment of freedom as we passed between the carriages, briefly feeling the tunnel air soothing sweat-riddled skin. The most important thing for me right then was to make sure that I didn't trip up going between them. As we reached the second to last carriage, the crowds started thinning out a little bit.