Losing Myself

Heartbreak Girl

I have depression.

I mean I've always had depression but growing up it was bad. I wouldn't eat, all I wanted to do was sleep and I couldn't stop wonder what it would be like to just end it right there. They said it was a side effect of my illness but I think it happen when my father died. See, I was always concidered daddy's little princess, I was so close with him. And I would never forget that day he passed.

He went on a business trip for a month. Mom and I were suppose to pick him up but he told us to wait at home because he had a surprise for me. I was so excited. I missed my dad so much and he got me a present. I was only 8 I think, when we waited three hours for him when we got that call. By the time we reached the hospital we were too late. He was gone. My mom told me to wait in the waiting room while she talked to the doctors. I could see her kneeling by my dads hospital bed with her head on her chest. I think she was crying. It never hit me in that moment that my father had passed until we had to leave, and leave my father there.

"Mommy, why aren't we staying with daddy?" I asked. I looked at my mom and she just looked broken.

"Because honey, daddy has to stay here for a while" she said through tears.

"No! I want to stay with daddy! He needs someone to stay with him when he wakes up. He needs to see me when he wakes up. He needs to know I'm here!" I scream trying to pull out of my moms grip. At that point she loosened her grip enough for me to slip my hand out and run to my dad.
I run up beside him and start frantically shaking him.

"Daddy, daddy wake up. Your princess is here. Daddy open your eyes. Look daddy I'm here." I say, tears in my eyes while I'm holding his hand. His ice cold hands.

"Please wake up daddy" I whispered. That was the last thing I remember from that day.

****

Its been nine years already and it still hurts to think back to that year. I had a severe case of depression and during that time it had gotten so bad that it bright my illness back. I was born with it but I was getting treatments and chemo that I was pronounced free of cancer at five. That all changed after my dad passed. The depression caused my illness to come back but by the time I was fourteen I refused treatment. Then I meet Alex and he was so full of life and light that he made me want to stay longer. So I got back on the treatment. I wanted to fight for him. I want to stay for him. He was there for all the times I was chemo, he was holding my hand through everything. Now he's gone.

And I'm slipping back into the darkness where I'm safe.

Alex saved me the first time.

But this time...

I don't think anyone can.

(Omg I was in tears writing this lol. Remember to comment and vote for my story and I'll be updating again soon.)

~K❤