Losing Myself

Tears and Heartbreaks

Two weeks.

That's how long it's been.

Two terrible, agonizing weeks since Alex broke up with me. The scene still replays in my mine over and over again.

He brought me to a party and I have no idea where we are exactly. He said that we would have fun but he wouldn't stop glancing at his phone screen since we arrived. I didn't think much of it. But the we finally got inside. Smoke was everywhere, filling my lungs and making me choke. Drunk teenagers were stumbling everywhere. Music was blaring. Typical teenage parties.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." Alex says over the music ushering me to sit on the couch. I do as he says since I don't know what else to do.

Half an hour.

Half an hour passed and no sign of Alex. I texted him but there was no reply. Four people had already offered me a drink when I said no.

I decided to get up and go look for him. I check the kitchen and pass couple hooking up in every corner and every counter. Where is he? Did he leave me here? No. He wouldn't. I know him. He would never leave me here.

I walk up the stairs and notice that all the doors were wide open.

Except one.

I get up the nervous feeling I have and open the door and fine the one thing I never thought I would ever see.

Alex.

With another girl.

Immediately my heart stopped and my eyes locked with alex's. He was under the covers with some girl I didn't recognize. He scrambled for his close and looked up at me.

"I told you to wait downstairs!" He screams.

"Whats going on- I- what- what the hell Alex!?" I scream on the verge of tears.

"Just go home hannah" he says bluntly.

"Excuse m-" I begin before he cut me off.

"Hannah! For fuck sakes just leave! I don't want you anymore shit!" He says as he turns away. I feel the tears beginning to fall but I push my broken heart to the side and I turn to anger.

"Well how the fuck am I suppose to get home Alex? You drove me and I don't know where the fuck I am!" I say. I have never been this angry before.

"Find your way." He says and leaves me standing outside in the hall.

After an hour of walking I finally find my house half an hour passed curfew. I was too hurt to call my mom and tell her I would be late and I just wanted to walk off the pain in my heart.

I'm laying in my bed trying to get that incident out of my head but to no avail.

I never thought it was possible to physically feel a broken heart, but inevitably you can. Your chest tightens and you feel like can't breath and the only thing that can drown out the sound of your heart beating at an unbelievable pace, is the sound of your fists hitting the floor or the wall out of anger and hatred and love and pain.

That's all I seen before my heart beat slowed, my breathing became steady again and I was laying on bathroom floor. I don't ever remember finding myself here but I don't care.

I'm broken and I have no one to find me and fix me.

He broke me.