Welcome to the Darkness

Chapter 3

It was a fluke, that I was sure of. School had started back up again and I didn't speak to Brandon, nor did he speak to me. It was probably a common courtesy that he had in the first place. A kind gesture to make sure I was alright after he'd given me CPR. After he'd seen me drowning. After he called me sweet.

A person like me cannot be sweet, I'm ruined. Utterly destroyed, gone in the breeze and unable to return. I felt nothing, I feared nothing and a smile was just another common courtesy, a gesture of endearment to someone struggling to get by. Brandon was in my biology class last semester, but with the new semester of classes, he'd returned to one of my classes. Sculpture, the art of the handmade goods. Statues, art pieces, pottery and certain paraphernalia.

The tables were arranged in a horseshoe shape in the basement of the main college building, a class here is usually jam-packed but classes in the basement were often avoided due to the musty feel in the air. There were 10 other students in the class besides him and I, he chose to sit across from me, on the opposite prong of the horseshoe formation.

Every now and then I'd steal a peek at his fingers as they worked, nimble like those of a pianist, but connected to strong arms capable of a powerful breaststroke. He had the figure of a well-seasoned swimmer and he didn't seem to notice as I peeked every now and then.

Danni wasn't in this class with me, I had no other friends besides her. Who needs more than one friend, anyways? Hanging out with more than one at a time would be a hassle to keep up with, after all, keeping up with her was work enough.

It was a week and a half into the class when the teacher declared that the rare opportunity for a field trip had been granted to the sculpture class. We were to work in pairs on a scavenger hunt through a museum a few towns over. My stomach turned over and with my clay coated hands, I clenched the fabric there under the table. The group names would be announced on the following Monday, four whole days away.

Across the room a chair scooted and I lifted my gaze to Brandon, who'd gotten up from his seat to address the teacher. They talked and I tried to ignore them, when the teacher nodded and Brandon returned to his seat, noticing I was watching, he smiled at me then went back to work. My stomach did another flip, I pushed the feeling down and went back to working on my shitty, terra cotta pinch pot.

"Ooo, I know that face!" Danni whispered as we walked down the hall of the english wing. Her face was alight with joy. "That's your thinking face, what happened?" She pushed into me, knocking me gently from my walking path. She looked so excited, not a rare sight but something about her always had me telling her everything.

I twiddled my thumb against the spiral of metal holding my notebook together. "I told you that Brandon was in my art class, right?"

She nodded.

"We have a field trip."

A nod.

"We have to be in partners." I said slowly.

Another nod from Danni.

"Brandon got up and I think he asked to be paired with me."

Danni squealed in my ear, earning a few stares from passersby. She contained her excitement, but it was still radiating from every pore of her. She enjoyed my love life, my nonexistent love life. She loved meddling with it and she'd been trying to get Brandon and I together since sophomore year in High School.

Back then, Brandon was just starting his swim career and was a chubby kid with a retainer. The moment I explained to her that I was gay is the moment she came out to me as well, also as gay. Two childhood friends who spend no time apart, growing up together, bathing with each other as toddlers, did not grow up to love each other like some trashy romance novel in the grocery store.