Welcome to the Darkness

Chapter 8

Sunday came and went, the purple haze of the mountain dawn, the navy blue speckled with stars that turned into the purples, pinks, orange and blue as the sun rose up up up into the sky, across past noon and began to settle back into it's nest behind the mountains, casting shadows back against the clouds as the stars rose yet again.

That morning when I'd woken up, my phone had died during the night and the air hung like a muggy blanket around my lungs. I was now walking down the side of the only main road leading out of my hometown, my feet dragged every now and then and the trees cast looming shadows back into itself from the street lights.

Beyond the first few rows of trees was an impenetrable darkness that not only clung and oozed from the branches of the forest but from my own darkening soul. My chest ached with something unrecognizable to me but it weighed heavily on my body. My mind was blank save for the flicker of memories that made me flinch every now and then, forcing me to stop my wandering for a moment.

The moon in the sky was on it's way out, nearly gone, the grin had turned into a smirk, thin and conniving. Every now and then a car passed by, casting my shadow into the dark shadows of the forest. Everything was dark, the street lights were about to run out, the next mile containing the last ones for almost 20 miles.

The only thing comforting about the night in such a rural setting was how brilliantly the stars shone. Each individual blip in the sky sparkled and cast a light down onto the earth in such a minimal yet amazing way.

The stars make the sky bright and you never really notice how much of an impact the sky has on the earth. Night time just seems so much brighter without all the earthly lights, with just the stars illuminating the sky into a pale navy blue and purple, all night.

The air held a chill in it at night now, I could feel it creeping back into my bones even through my light jacket. The tears in my jeans didn't seem to help any, nor did the cheap material of the t-shirt I wore. Every car that passed by had me looking to see if maybe it was someone I knew. Maybe Brandon. That was a silly thought.

When I'd gotten to the last street light on the main road, I sat down in the grass and the dirt, leaning myself up against the solid wood. Despite the chill in the air, I could still feel the humidity in the air from that day, it clung to my face and made my skin feel clammy and made my hair stick to my forehead.

The sky was peaceful and in it's natural slow motion as I drifted off to sleep.

I remember waking up to the sound of the rumbling of a car nearby and the sun shining on my face. The scuttle of shoes across the dew soaked grass made me open my eyes, some guy had pulled over on the side of the road. My own breathing caught me off guard, the sound of forced breath running in and out of my nose, my chest shuddering as it rose and fell.

"Marcus?"

The name woke me from my waking daze and I forced my eyes to focus on the man that was in front of me, the sun was being blocked out by his head and it cast a small shadow around the edges of his angular face. "Marcus you look like shit." The voice said next, a warm hand resting on my own only to be taken away quickly in recoil. "Christ, you're freakin' cold. Marcus-" the man snapped his fingers in my direction to get my full attention.

The shadows subsided and the features filled in, Brandon sat in front of my face, on his knees and behind him the rumble of his Jeep filled the air. "Brandon...?" I croaked, clearing my throat before sitting up a little straighter.

He sighed and reached around my waist, pulling me to my feet and lifting me into his arms. The flash of a memory had me kicking weakly in his arms, a small whimper leaving my throat. "Hey, none of that shit, Marcus. You know it's me, you know I'd never hurt you baby." He cooed, his arms tensed as the door to his Jeep creaked open softly.

Before I knew it I was sitting on a soft seat with the sun beating onto my face, the heat intensified in the morning air through the windshield of Brandon's Jeep. I heard a soft click and I looked around, Brandon was closing the Jeep door beside me and making his way around to the driver's side door. The car's tires groaned a bit as they kicked out pebbles from beneath them as the Jeep began moving once again.

During the ride I found myself looking up at Brandon through my eyelashes, every now and then he'd look over nervously, expecting me to keel over or something probably. It was a few minutes, or maybe an hour, before he talked. "Marcus where have you been...? I've been looking for you all weekend..."

I could barely manage a quiet mmph as a response. A tight smile tugged at his lips and he shook his head, his knuckles white against the steering wheel. "Babe you scared me. I thought.. I thought you'd ditched me." He breathed, finally.

Somehow, I found the strength in me to lift myself a little from the seat and lean over, giving him a small peck on the cheek. "Never... m'love you..." I managed. He closed his eyes tight and wrung his hands on the wheel before turning off to the side of the road and turning to me.

There were tears in his eyes. "I thought you were gone, Marcus..." He cried, undoing his seatbelt and leaning over the center console to cup my cheeks and plant a firm, needy kiss on my lips. As if my head wasn't fuzzy enough, as if I didn't already have trouble moving around, he melted me with that one sentence, that one kiss. The ice around my heart thawed a little more and I found myself free'd out of my own seatbelt with my arms around him, kissing him with such need, such intensity that when we parted we were both out of breath but needing more.

His hands never left my cheeks but when we parted he ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip which quaked under his touch, his other thumb traced my cheek, catching a few teardrops as they rolled down my face. The next thing I knew I was on his lap in the front seat, the steering wheel pushed up and out of the way and we just kissed, deep and needy. Our tongues fought to memorize each crevice of the others mouth. My hands were in his hair, tugging lightly and his hands rested on my ass, holding me firmly in place as we made out again and again, only breaking for breath.

We went on like that for a while, his hands had migrated under my shirt, fingers digging into my back gently as he held me. My hands has worked their way down to his neck, fingers holding the back of his neck and my thumbs gently holding just under his jawline.

The clarity brought to me during this time was simple, it was absolute. I'm not the same boy that I was back then. I'm someone entirely different, I'm not his anymore, I never wanted to be. For years I'd let myself believe that if I just shut everyone out that no one could hurt me again, no one could take advantage of me again.

Brandon broke that, he found his way through the maze that was my social life, he found his way to me and he held me as if his life would end if he lost me, he held me with such tenderness that it almost broke my heart to know that someone this passionate about loving me existed and I'd just ignored him up until now.

No more, I'd wasted so much of my life worrying over something so damn stupid. Something that was over, something that wasn't my fault. No more. From here on out, from this moment here, with me sitting in my boyfriend's lap in the warmth of his Jeep having a heavy make-out session, to whenever we expired, no more.

Finally, we were driving again. The sun beat through the windshield but the wind whipped through the car drying my tears and blowing away the decay in my heart. The next few, days, weeks, months, whatever, would be tough but at least now I know I'm not alone, I'll always have Brandon to bring me back to reality.

Driving down the highway at 5:47 AM, fingers laced together over the shifter, my life had never been so bright. My life had never been so light, the wind filled my lungs with fresh air that blew away all the ick, all the fuzziness in my head. I knew that everything was going to be okay, even if it took a while to get to okay.