Love and Broken

(2)

"When will God save me from all of these?"
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"Is He really exist then?"
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"Hey, am talking to you, can't you give me a fucking answers?"
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"Naahh forget it, like talking to God. He never reply me even one!"
"But, you keep asking Him right?"

"Yes I am. He is the creator of the universe, the creator of us."
"Then?"

"Then? Then what?"
"Did you ever wonder why god create a feeling of hatred but we can't hate Him. It is just...just oouh its unfair. Why did He create it at the first place then"

"Do you? Want to hate Him?" I ask confusingly. It is not about Him, but about me. My heart have been shattered into a thousand pieces. I've been left alone by a men I loved. I cared. That I thought gonna be my guidance, my protector, my another half. I love him so much. But, it doesn't make sense anymore. Just, what the fuck is going on all of these years? Me, myself being a slave to my own love. True love, bullshit!

"Hey! I'm not talking to the grass, but sometimes I really do talking to the grass and they will knod like they understand it. Hahahaha it is better than talk to a wrong person"
"Yeah"

I look at him calmly. Like he is a tree. The shaddy one of course because he is thin like the A4 size.
This men, is annoying in every part of him. But I love to share all of my problems, my thoughts, my sorrow, and everything about me to him. But, I can't love him like husband and wife. Like Romeo and Juliet. It is something else, our relationship not like a friend either a lover. Its like we have share one soul in differences body. He knew everything about me without have to told him. He just there, here, by my side, every single time I need him. Neither a friendzone nor a sibling. Just can't figure it out.

"We need something to hold on for. We need something to hope for. Like you, questioning the existence of God, but you keep asking for His guidance. Then, you just leave Him. Then, when everything gonna be rough to you, you seek Him again and after that, you leave him back. Again and again. Like a circle of infinity, there will never end unless you die or, or, or, you understand and know who is your God. Your saviour. Your guidance. Your creator. Then, you'll never forget Him again like right now, like before, just don't leave Him anymore. The one you should hold on, hoping on, is Him, your God, our God. Not him, or me, or them. We just a simple creation of human with a brain. Why you keep clinging on the same creation like you? Clinging to a human? Then, you just broke inside out, empty, everything has been sucked by him. Now, you don't have anything to feel anymore. You have give your heart to a wrong person, and now here you are, sobbing for nothing. Serve you right!"
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