Blue Skai

20 ● Hey

Three in the morning. Three in the morning and the images of my current activities flashed through my mind.

The way Jesse's tongue caressed every inch of my body. Every single inch of it.

The way he called out my name with both lust and passion.

I was more on the receiving end and since it was my first time, I actually didn't do much except kiss him.

He was a really good kisser.

Three in the morning. Three in the morning and all I could feel was hurt. Not pleasure, not satisfaction.

Just plain hurt. It hurt down there and it hurt in my heart more.

All I could really think of was him. Kai.

I shouldn't feel bad that he'd freak out when he hears about this.

I wasn't his and he wasn't mine. Although, if I must confess, the thought had crossed my mind once or twice.

What would it be like to have Malakai Wolfe Tatar as a boyfriend?

Would he love me even more than he did right now? Or would he just treat me like the girls in his phone, and toss me away when he feels bored?

I was delusional. He couldn't love me like that. I was his best friend.

He has witnessed me get my diaper changed. We'd have baths together as kids. He probably just saw me as his sister.

And I should too.

But I couldn't. Because it'd be disgusting to admit that while I was having sex with a guy, my 'brother' was who was in mind the entire time.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I felt not quite sore down there... just achey. That's how I knew I wasn't dreaming. 

I lost my virginity to Jesse Hubert.

I slept with my back facing him so it would be easier to sneak out of bed and go home. He slept spooning me. So you see how it immediately got hard to sneak out if bed.

Plus, we slept naked and words cannot begin to describe how uncomfortable I felt through out the night.

I felt like crying. But I felt like I didn't have the right to.

I chose to have sex with him. I put this on him. I was completely sober.

"You alright, Sky?"

I jumped at the sound of his voice, turning my head to face him.

Had he been awake this whole time? Thank God I don't think out loud.

But I mean... who does, right? That's plain weird.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I flashed a small warm smile.

Maybe he'd actually give me more reasons to not be alright about.

Instead, he just smiled at me and his eyes slowly drifted back to sleep, which annoyed me a bit.

Kai would stay up with me if he woke up in the night to find me awake.

I sat up, covering my body parts with the blanket as I searched for my clothes... which I realized were downstairs where I had dropped them.

The continuous noise woke him up as I got off the bed.

"What's up? Where're you going?" He asked when he saw me walking towards the door.

"Home." I sounded a bit more harsh than I intended to. But could you really blame me?