Destiny is Like Free Will

Destiny is a close cousin to Free Will.

Whether the event was decided by Fate, or whether it was Free Will pushing me towards him, the point is: it happened. What happened is constructed through the use of nouns, adjectives, adverbs, pronouns, you name it. Our diction decides what happens, and whether the words we choose are true when spoken. Words are only a shell until Meaning slides in and makes the word whole and alive. Seeing how I’m straying from the topic gives my reader a sense of apprehension; whether she / he wants to trust me or not, the writer of this empty and meaningful journey. It is up to you if you want to close this book up and spend meaningless time in a blue room filled with strange friends that seem to talk about willy-nilly or nilly-willy, depending on their mood of the day. If you want to continue, be warned as this may be a cry for help, a sense of redemption, or even a sense of moving forward. What’s funny though, it not only depends on me for interpretations, but on you, the reader as well.

            Let’s begin, shall we?

***

Why did I even come today?

There’s no reason for me to be here. I’m not even entering. What’s the point? I’m here with my friends, but so what? The irony is I’m –

As I was about to finish my thought, the end of the escalators appeared and I walked into a pit of men, minus a 10% of woman. Conversations galore as I observed to the left, to the right, up, down, whatever direction – someone was talking.

I head left.

“HEY!!!”

At that moment, Time ate Reality,

I spun around and to my surprise I find an old friend waving, quite . . . queerly. But no matter, Time wasn’t hungry for Judgment.

A huge smile cracked my lips, widening them as far as it can, lighting up my eyes with wonder.

“DANNY!!!” I yelled back quite queerly as well marking as one of my few out of character moments.

I ran off from my pack as I merged myself into a new destiny I have uncovered. We exchanged our hellos and were shifted from a nihilistic human, to a human revitalized with Joy, Hope, Opportunity and Deceit. Since I wasn’t entering, I thought I might spend the day with him, leaving my seven or so friends behind. It’s been a year since we last spoke; how strange that our lives seem to encounter on multitude of levels: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

As we got to know each other once again, my hopeless romanticism was easing its way through my aorta, passing through the valves into my windpipe and landing in my brain, in which I call a simple complexity. Danny led me to a dangerous area to which I treaded along a year ago. Where that fateful encounter seemed to mark its territory in the chambers of my red patted up heart.

Flashes and sparks lit up the air. Swords clanging, monsters screaming, spells enchanting, traps activating, all of this happening as the master of the field yelled commands to how each was supposed to be commenced. Each master having their own objective in each fight they start. Some fight for fun, some fight to reach the top, some fight for friendship, some just fight to fight. As for me, I was heading into a fight I could not win.

“I summon Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus!” I said as I placed it on the floor where a battlefield of monsters, spells, and traps took place. But my attention wasn’t on my battlefield but to the right of me.

“I summon Caius, The Shadow Monarch!” I was astonished on the tone of these magnificent and remarkable words as they came out . . . meekly. I was hit. I tried defending myself by making a counterattack but it was difficult when my thoughts were shifting to a field not my own. The way he played sent shivers up my spine as another hit by my foe took aim at my life.

***

“You like him!”

“No I don’t!”

Danny and I were standing in the hallway, away from the simple fights of conquest and victory where they were easily achieved, while I’m facing a new challenge I haven’t faced in a long while.

“Yes you do. Don’t lie. I can see it. But, to tell you the truth, you have no chance with him.”

“What?”

“Let me repeat myself: you have no chance with him. Your intellect is far behind from his. He wants someone who can challenge him – like me,” he said with a grin, “We have our moments where we battle wits, and boy, is he a smart one. I sometimes think he’s smarter than me, even with my four degrees.”

I paid no attention. I was saddened to how my childness took aim and struck my heart once again. Ignorance is bliss, but painful. I’m nineteen, and I feel I should think less of a child and more like an adult. However, that’s a part of me. My child like nature which brightens up the dirtiest and damaged souls – that part of me, is difficult to break apart.

We stepped outside, stepping away from a New York replica to the concrete jungle where only a few souls lit up the purple night sky.

“Doesn’t that building look familiar?” Danny said.

I look. He’s right, it does look familiar. The globe-like building held an arch across its forehead, displaying a luminescent holy light from ear to ear.

“It looks like Athena’s crown!” I said cheerfully and gaily.

He smiled. “I was going to say the same thing! Except, I wanted you to say it so you could feel better about yourself.”

Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom and War. Oh the irony. My intellect seems to be no match to the warrior inside the bustling New York replica. Being a hopeless romantic helped me in no way at all. I was stuck being that ignorant child, blocked from the intelligent society who looked through my glass home. I keep shouting “I don’t want to be ignorant! I want to grow! Help me change!” But no matter how much the agony I expressed, no matter how many empty words filled my lungs, no matter how much I hit the walls of my safety – they laughed. They laughed at my ignorance. They laughed at my child-like nature.

We stepped back inside into the lives that played no role in ours. They were only background characters – how sad.

Walking past the unimportant ones, we head back to our spot where we meet up with the meek warrior whose intelligence crushed me, and my heart. As I tried looking at him, my eyes merely looked to the ground only glancing at him when he wasn’t looking at me. I was saddened that I had no chance with him. My heart wasn’t bouncing with Hope or Joy or Opportunity but only with Deceit. Up and down, up and down, the heart wants what it cannot have.

“Good-bye.”

We parted. On opposite sides of the room, I glanced back hoping to steal a glance from the meek warrior as he strode off. I merged back into my pack, overhearing my pack boast about their scores. My mind not even on them, I was lost in thought about the future and the present. I was speaking to my friends as they are lied to about my words which were filled with happiness, but in them, held a hint of despair and doubt.

For my nineteen years, I always smiled. I always laughed. I always held the essence of expressing joy and happiness wherever I went. It may be a bit cliché but it’s true, under the mask I display to the world lies more than a child, but an ignorant, lonely, stubborn, misunderstood child whose understanding of the world was filled by the morals of Anime and Cartoons. Friendship was a key message in each, where it soon latched onto me, feeding me an unrealistic idea of the term. It bothered me not, being a nineteen year old child, I understood that the fantasy children created is their world where they are crowned sane and seen insane by reality.

Time was eating my reality. Crunching, munching, devouring at the reality of my fantasy. Soon my world created by the heroes of fiction will become heroes of non-fiction backstabbing me until my body becomes an empty shell, like a word.

Who knew a hello could rearrange my Destiny. Who knew a hello can take Free Will and throw it upon an ignorant loving individual.