The Bystander

Chapter One

The Bystander

Alyssa

The ocean was like a second home to me, each day I would sit on the edge of the pier. Just imagining myself falling freely into the water, hoping one day it would take me away from here. I couldn't help but smile at the amount of freedom I would have. Kelly would always tell me how ridiculous my dreams were, she always shut everyone down. To her, dreams were made to remain so - if ever we were to dream it would only cause a hole in our hearts. She would remind me of my place every time though, it was nothing new nor unexpected.

But I couldn't help it, it was a way for me to cope with all the things that were thrown at me everyday. Wether it be my hair, my face, my clothes. The small band wrapped around my wrist contained my self control, it was one of those small things I used to keep me anchored. Whenever I took it off, it would only cause me to breakdown. The band was old and tattered, another source of my humiliation.

Every single day I woke up wanting to take it off and let everything go, I had only wished that I could console with someone. My mother was a woman I used to rely on, the only woman who could see through the false smiles. Now she holds one of her own, it was my fault. I had played different scenarios in my head, a mere fantasy of how things could turn out if I just told the truth; in reality the truth may not always set you free. That's where I am today, trapped in my own web of lies.

I knew that, they'd told me enough times. Drilled it into my head, where it would hold a permanent home. It wasn't worth the risk, I would lose everything.

My toes dipped into the cold water, I looked up with a sigh. Checking my watch, I knew it was time to leave. It wasn't until I got back to the beach did I notice a few girls from school, as usual they were whispering and giggling. "Look at her thighs." I managed to hear, making my shoulders sag shamefully. As the words left their mouths, my hand wrapped around the stretchy band on my wrist.

My eyebrows furrowed, biting back the remark that so desperately wanted to make an appearance. My hope diminished as the anxiety took its place, there was no way I was that brave.

I grabbed my shoes, pulling them over my bare feet. Hearing more giggles and laughs behind me, the best I could do right now was leave. "She's so weird, I heard she never wears socks because she's allergic to them." One commented, which was absolutely stupid - let alone untrue.

The morning sky greeted me with a smile, the beautiful blue and yellow colour palette shone in my face as I walked up the stony steps. Sarcastic greetings and harsh name calling was thrown my way by more members of my high school classmates, I had only hoped I would arrive home faster. It was February - meaning the end of summer and Christmas vacation. As much as I loved it, I also hated it. I watched the autumn season slowly slip through, it was strangely one of those times where you could wear whatever the hell you wanted. It was also the beginning of school, I loved school.

I noticed my mothers car lights on in the driveway, her frantic movements and loud retorts made me question wether or not I should've come home at all. Her hair was a mess, I noticed her holding a cooing Calder in her arms. The sight would've melted my heart if it weren't for the shouting and verbal abuse coming from my mothers lips. Of course Stephen was present - he as my stepfather was under court order to visit Calder every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Of course the AA meetings and the two DUI's he had received didn't seem to stop him from escaping the bottles, he only embraced it.