21 Days To Live

Day 7

Saturday
7:43 am

Rome was leaving the city for a while to find another place to stay at. And soon he was going to be out of my life. Somewhere so far away where no matter how much he or I tried we would never be able to reach each other.

He had to leave Gemma behind. Because he didn't want Gemma to not have a roof over her head. I didn't know whether Rome was going to let her stay with me until then or send her to his parents.

All I could do was wait and see.

"I don't want to stay here, Dad," I heard Gemma say while passing by her room in the morning.

Gemma didn't seemed surprised when she was told we were about to get a divorce soon. I wouldn't be either. She had always seen us fight and so none of this was unexpected for her. I felt as thought she was almost happy, that now she wouldn't have to listen to our daily fights. That finally she would be free from me.

"It's only for a week max, Gem. I don't want your education to be affected, or for you to wander around with me, restless," Rome told her.

I watched from the slight opening in the door as Rome ruffled her hair, and attempted to convince her that it wouldn't be bad staying with me.

I guess that meant Gemma and I would be spending a whole week together all alone. Lovely.

I couldn't think of a time when I had to spend more than an hour with Gemma. Rome would always show up. Yet, now we would be alone and I had no idea whatsoever of how that would work out.

Gemma sat down on the edge of her bed, an annoyed groan escaping her mouth.

"I don't like her, Dad. She's rude, annoying and everything a witch is suppose to be like," Gemma said.

So that's what I was to Gemma: a witch.

Rome sat down next to her on the bed and shook his head. "No, honey," he began. "She's your mother, and no matter what she does, she always will be. She cares about you a lot, it's just that she has her own way of showing it. She calls home when she can't make it on time, and asks me if you ate, whether you're sleeping or working or watching tv. Whenever she calls me it always has something to do with you."

I moved away from the door and leaned against the wall next to it. Confusion settled inside of me at his words.

The last line may have been true, but what he said before that was not. I would only call him to complain about Gemma or to pick her up from school. Never did I call to ask how she was doing, or if she had eaten. Now when I thought about it I didn't even know her favourite food.

It made me realize Gemma was right. I was more like a witch than a mother. How could I be considered a mom if I didn't know a thing about my own child?

"I'm not seven anymore, Dad," Gemma whispered, her voice laced with sadness. "Stop lying to me."

I quickly walked away before any of them could notice me, my heart clenching with a feeling I never thought I would feel again. Pain.

9:12 pm

Rome worked fast.

Already he had booked himself a flight for tonight and had gotten ready to leave.

I wasn't exactly sure what I was suppose to feel, or even how I was to react to everything that had happened. It seemed to happen all too fast, as though it was nothing more than a nightmare.

The whole day I did nothing, but think of everything I had done so far. I thought of how this was always what I wanted perhaps till yesterday morning. Didn't I want Rome to leave from my life? Did I not always thought the day I would die would be the best day for me?

Then why today when everything was going exactly my way, did I not want it?

My thoughts had taken over me to the point that I didn't realize when Rome walked into the dining room, or when he sat down from across me.

"Things between us didn't work out," he spoke, a hint of hurt hidden in his voice. "No matter how much we tried, we were never able to get back together. And now here we are."

I glanced up from my untouched plate full of food, staring him in the eyes. Dinner had been long over, yet here I still was sitting, lost in thought.

And it was all my fault, I wanted to scream over and over again, yet I stayed quiet.

"Where's Gemma?" I asked instead.

"She's in her room, a bit upset over the fact that she can't tag along, but soon she'll be fine. Until I don't find a place, I hope you can take care of her," he remarked, clasping his hands together on the table.

I played with my spoon, while nodding my head.

I wanted to yell at him, and ask why he was talking about it all as though it was a casual trip. As if Gemma was nothing to me. Why did he have to move to a different city? Why couldn't we try again and sort out our differences? Why was he leaving me all alone, when he made a promise to always stand by my side?

"There's another reason why I decided to leave Gemma behind," he added.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't want you to ever think that I didn't give you a chance with her. You've got a month max to spend with her, Myra. After that the two of us will be out of here. Don't waste your chance. I can't tell you what kind of a mother you should be to her, but what I can say is remember how you would always say your mother never understood you? You said you never got the love you wanted from her. Don't do the same to your own daughter, Myra. Don't ruin her life."

No, Rome, you don't understand I haven't got a month left. I'll be dead before you know it. I've ruined everything, and I don't know if I'll be able to fix it before I run out of time.

Without another word spoken he got up and headed towards the door.

"Rome," I called out.

Don't go, I wanted to say. Please give me another chance. Don't leave me. I don't have enough time left. I want to spend it with you and Gemma. I made a mistake. Not only one, but many. Please forgive me. Please. Let me spend my last days with you both. Let me love Gemma the way I should. Let her see us both happy and deeply love, like she should've always seen. Give me a chance to fix it all.

Rome turned around, surprise visible on his face. And if I wasn't mistaken I thought for a moment he looked expectantly at me.

What was he expecting?

Maybe I knew exactly what he wanted to hear, however for some reason I couldn't muster up the courage to say it.

I was a coward. I was ruining everything with my own hands, yet I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Have a safe trip," I said, then quietly watched him walk away from me with a sad smile gracing his lips. Forever.

A sob escaped my lips when I heard the door shut behind him, tears running down my cheeks without permission.

Once again I was left to drown in the outcomes of my mistakes, with no left to help me out.