Forbidden Feelings

Chapter Two

 When I came home, I saw that Lilly was reading yet another book about laws. She was sprawled on the settee, and dinner wasn't even ready. Sometimes I wondered why she's my flatmate, since she didn't know how to cook or clean the flat, or do anything by herself. But that was why I loved her. She depended on me. She needed me to survive, and I loved to feel needed by another human being. Because even if I was a heartless bitch, I still needed affection and friendship. I needed to feel human, and Lilly helped me achieve that. Lilly was the only person whom I trusted wholeheartedly. She was my bestfriend, my angel.

"Hey, stranger." I greeted her as I entered the flat.

"Hey, how was your day?" she asked, putting her book away, looking at me with a tired smile.

"Why do you keep asking me that question, Lil? You know very well that my work is boring as Hell." I said, rolling my eyes, before falling on her lying body.

She groaned as soon as my weight was on her, and I started to laugh. It was our ritual. Whenever one of us came home and the other was sprawled on the couch, we would lie on the other, crushing them with our love. It was dumb, but we loved doing so.

"You weigh a ton!" Lilly complained, trying to push me aside.

"What have you done all day, apart from reading this boring book?" I asked, taking the book in my hands, seeing that it was at least 800 pages long.

"I've been shopping. I bought my outfit for tomorrow! And you know what? Rumour has it that there's a new teacher taking Mrs Wright's position, and he's young and handsome!" my bestfriend said, a huge smile appearing on her lips.

"You're unbelievable, Lil." I chuckled, and stood up again. "But speaking of handsome men, one weird guy gave me his number, today." I told her, immediately regretting telling her.

"How? When? Where? Who was he? Was he pretty?" she showered me with questions, and I chuckled, which made me remember Nathaniel's chuckle. What the Hell?

"I don't know, it just happened. His name is Nathaniel. He's very handsome, and charming. I was working, he was a customer, and..." I said dreamily, and Lilly laughed. "What! It's not funny!" I roared.

"What are you waiting for, Hay? Give the man a call!" she said expectantly.

"I can't, Lil. You know I can't. My life is way too messed up to allow a man to the equation." I sighed.

"Oh come on!" she groaned.

Truth be told, she didn't know how messed up my life actually was. She just knew that I had a dangerous life, that I was looking for my brother, and that I got loads of money on some occasions. I couldn't lie to her when she discovered a handful of notes which I had earned by giving Loktev a gift – the gift being a thirty-year-old man who had betrayed him. I had to tell her some parts of the truth. So I told her that I worked in an underground gang – which wasn't exactly a lie, but still wasn't the truth, only a little part of it. She didn't believe me at first. And then, one night, I came home with a bloody face, and a hole in my leg – I had been shot at, and beaten up. If she hadn't been here, I would probably be dead today. But she was there, and thank God she had bandages, alcohol, and a kind heart.

Since that day, she didn't question where I got my money, or why I sometimes was absent for a week. And that's why I loved her. She accepted me as I was, with my flaws and imperfections.

"Do you fancy him?" she suddenly asked, her eyes sparkling with a happy glint.

"I do not know him, Lil. How could I fancy him?" I sighed again, and she smirked.

"So you're thinking about him." she concluded, and I groaned. "I knew it! Call him, what have you got to lose?" she said.

Everything, Lilly. Everything. I sighed once more, because I couldn't tell her the whole truth.