Fool's Holiday

“JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAAAAAAYYYY.” My little sister sings the ‘way’ in a terrible falsetto, making me visibly cringe from my spot on the couch.

It’s Christmas Eve, my least favorite time of the year. The apartment smells like nature due to the ‘authentic’ Christmas tree Mother claimed that she ‘just had to have.’ The smell gives me a headache, and the bright lights from all of the decorations doesn’t help at all. Mother is in the room cooking sugar cookies, and the very smell of them makes me feel sick to my stomach.

All of the smiles on strangers faces meant to portray happiness are lies. As soon as the ‘joy’ of Christmas has passed, those smiles will turn right back into the frowns that they are for the year, as soon as the delusion of Christmas Cheer wears off.

Christmas disgusts me.

It’s a fool’s holiday.

But, as hard as it may be to believe, I used to not be such a Grinch towards Christmas. In fact, I used to love Christmas, used to look forward to it every year. I used to be the one that dragged the family out to find the ‘perfect’ Christmas tree the day after Black Friday.

Not anymore though, not since Mr. Alex Gaskarth waltzed into my perfect little delusional world, and left a wake of bitterness and hatred in my heart after he left.

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“Go ahead. Open it Jack-y. I know you want to.” The smile on his face could warm any cold heart, and the excitement in his eyes were infectious.

“It’s not Christmas yet though.” I point out, pushing down the desire in my stomach to obey Alex’s order. The present before me is huge, and I am just itching to tear off that elf patterned  wrapping paper.

“Christmas Eve. Close enough. Plus, I wanna see your face when you do open it, cause I won’t be able to be here on ‘real’ Christmas.” This little reminder eliminates all the joy that I was feeling inside and replaces it with dread. This was going to be our last night together before Alex had to go back to England to finish up his last semester of college.

He must notice the change in my mood, because silently he scoots across the floor, and envelopes me in a side hug. Snuggling into his shoulder, I embrace the smell of his expensive cologne, the feel of his neck against my head. “Baby, it’s going to be all right. We made it before long distance for nearly two years, this time it’s only a few months. We can Skype every day, and talk on the phone. Then, once I’ve graduated college, I’m going to come back for you, and we can conquer this world together. Don’t focus on the time we’ll be apart,focus on when we’ll be together again.” His voice is soothing, which is probably the only thing that prevents me from breaking out and bawling.

“All right, Al-y.” I whisper into his throat, giving it a shy kiss before pulling away and slapping a smile back on my face. Looking into the boy’s caramel eyes, I’m once again reassured that everything will work out.

Oh, how foolish I was.

“Well then. Open your present, love.” This time I don’t push down the desire to not open it, and waste no time ripping off the paper.

I can feel him watching my face as it becomes overly excited. I feel my cheeks get red from smiling so hard, but I don’t care.

“Alexander, you shouldn’t have! Oh gosh, I can’t believe you spent all that money on me.” What he got me was the most perfect present. Beneath the wrapping paper was a white electric guitar, customized with an image of Jack Skellington on it, my favorite character ever. He knew that I played guitar in my spare time, but I never thought he actually took note of it.