Tomorrow Is Another Day

Thursday

I awoke with teary eyes, residual feelings from last night still in my system. "At least I'm supposed to leave today" I thought to myself. Even though I knew I didn't want to go home, I wanted to give myself any reason to look forward to anything. I'd get to see my little sister again, and I'd be able to see the one person who really cares, my friend shelby. I got out of bed and wiped my eyes, I walked out into the public area. I sat down next to Rio, katalaina was pacing back and forth on the phone in the hall. Breakfast came out but hardly anyone ever ate it, katalaina came back and said "I'm leaving today" to Rio, she ignored me. I shrugged my sholders as she ignored my presents. I looked around the room some more, and noticed Isabela was in the corner drawing in a little black note book. My next door neighbor walked into the room. Rio quickly introduced herself as she does whenever we got a new patient. He said his name was Aiden, he was wareing a thin grey and white striped sweater. He went and sat by himself at one of the tables, he opened up the tray of food with a disgusted look on his face. He closed it pretty quickly.
The nurse came out and asked everyone what they wanted to eat that day, I ushaly got whatever, I didn't ushaly eat it anyway. Then it was morning group, yet again, I don't remember what everyone's goals wore or what there positive statement was, Faith's was easy to remember because she said it everyday "it's not a bad life, it's just a bad day" she said that every morning. I remembered a song I heard one time called "tomorrow is another day" I started to sing it in my head as I sat there waiting to be called on. "All your worries just leave your side, free your mind, because tomorrow is another day" "Berry?" I heard, I lifted my head and looked at the nurse. "What is your goal for today?" She asked me. I thought a moment "Take things one step at a time" I said blankly. "And your positive statement?" She asked writing on her clipboard. "Tomorrow is another day" I said distantly.
After about 45 minutes after group I was sitting with Rio outside. She got up and went inside, after a few minutes she came back with a greay zip up jacket. "Cold?" I asked her. "Yeah, this is my hospital jacket" she said putting it on. "It's been with me at all 3 of the mental hospitals I've been to" she said folding her arms and sitting next to me. Just then katalaina came outside and huged Emma. "Oh my God you're leaving?!" Emma exclaimed as she let go of katalaina. Rio got up and huged her too "bye kat, be safe" I stood up and said "see you later maybe" again I was ignored, but just as I thought she was going to give me one cold sholder, she turned around and huged me. "Berry?" One of the nurses came outside. "Yes?" I asked. They gestured for me to go with them and so I did. They took me to the nurses window, Jeff was sitting there. Jeff was one of the nurses who actually cared, like Jessica. He told me to take this pill "it's your medication, the doctor prescribed it" he said handing me a little paper cup with a green and white pill inside. I walked over to the water machine and got a cup of water. I walked back to the window and took my pill. "Open" Jeff said. I opened my mouth showing I had taken the pill. "Thank you, you can go back now" He said looking back down to his computer. I went back to Rio outside "what was that about?" She asked curiously. "There starting me on meds I guess" I said sitting down on the bench, next to her. "Wait what kind?" She asked concerned. "They said... prozac, I think?" I said unsure. "Oh shit, I used to be on prozac and it fucked me up so bad!" She said worried. "Fuck" was all that feel out of my mouth, I was about to panic but I stopped and thought a moment. "Medication works different for everyone, maybe it'll work ok for me" I thought to myself. "Prozac made me more suicidal" she said already panicking for me. "Maybe it'll work for me though, we'll see" I said not sure if I'm trying to keep myself calm or her. "Excuse me?" I asked one of the nurses watching us "How long would it take for me to start feeling the effects of prozac?" I asked from the beach. "About 10 minutes" she said cashuly. Alright, start the clock I guess. 10 minutes passed and my head felt funny, I felt off balance and almost like I had a headache. For the most part I felt fine then. Rio and I wore having a pretty decent conversation, I don't remember what I had said or what she said, but I was laughing. Suddenly all the other girls took notice "oh my God he's smiling!" Emma exclaimed. "He has such a nice smile, why don't you smile more often?" Said faith "You should smile more, that should be your goal for tomorrow, is to smile"
We had a few groups that day, I learned a little bit about Aiden, he said he smokes a bunch of weed. Rio said weed makes her paranoid. Gilbert had a moment with Rio and I, the red haired short girl, who's name was alexandria, liked Gilbert and was hitting on him. I'll never forget as that single tear ran down his face and he told us "this shit she's doing... it reminds me of my girlfriend" I put my hand on his sholder. Gilbert left that night, Aiden became my new roommate. I had talked with Aiden earlier that day, he heard me talking to the nurses Wednesday night, he heard my story and said it had brought him to tears. As Gilbert left and Aiden moved into the room, I couldn't take it anymore, I began crying again. Aiden told me to stand up and I did, when I got up he huged me. He kept telling me to pray and that God will awnser, I'm not sure I believe it now, or even if I believed it then. He kept telling me I was strong and that I was there to get better. I knew I was there to get better, but I didn't believe I was strong. I've been doing too much thinking lately, and I am strong, I've had to deal with a lot and I've got no reason to keep going, but I am. I'm not sure if that makes me noble or a fool, perhaps both, a noble fool. I remember wanting to die but also wanting to want to live. Anyways, that's how I spent that Thursday night.