Broken pieces

I looked at him while he's laughing.
I said to myself. No, Lily, you can't be In Love with your Best friend!
I mean who would want to fall In Love with their best friend.
That's like so stupid. But why is he so sweet then!? IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? I DONT WANT TO ASSUME BUT WHAT HE IS DOING MAKES ME THINK THAT HE LIKES ME. Fuck.

"Lily! You're spacing out! Snap out of it" I blinked twice when Gerald waved his hands in front of me.

"Sorry, I was thinking" I said and stood up.

"What's your problem bro?" He said. While hugging me from the back.
Stop being sweet you dimwit!

"Faye!" He removed his hands encircling me when he saw Faye.
My gaze dropped to the floor. Who am I kidding? THAT GUY WOULD NEVER LIKE ME. I think he likes Faye.

I walked away teary-eyed. I knew it was a bad idea to fall in love with him.

"Lils HEY! Where are you going!?" He caught up. Ugh, am I that slow? He was like talking to Faye a while ago.

"Hey Ger, where's Faye?" I said avoiding to look at his eyes.

"Oh she said she has to go somewhere" he said while looking at Faye walking away. I wanted to cry that time. I forced myself not to though. I mean that's stupid, showing a guy your weakness.

I remained silent.

"By the way, will you go tomorrow?" He asked me referring to our 'props making' whatever.

"No. I don't want to go. I'm tired" I said. Yes, tired from getting hurt. Tired of falling in love. I'm so fed up with all of this bullshit.

"Aww please go!" He said. I looked at him. Is he high? My god.

"Why?" I asked him seriously. Why is he like this all of a sudden. I don't want to assume but why is he so clingy!?

"I don't actually know. I just want to be with you" he said seriously. I didn't know what to say.

"Are you serious!?" I asked him.

"I'm serious Lily. I always think of you. I can't get you out of my mind, maybe I'm going crazy" he said. I eyed him with my 'I DONT BELIEVE YOU' look. I mean come on girls, do you still believe them? Guys are good at lying. I assure you.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" I said. IS HE JOKING? WE'RE FUCKING BEST FRIENDS. Oh my I think I'm gonna faint.

"Im not, you know me. This is not how I joke" he said seriously.
I stared at him, unable to speak.

"Never mind let's go" he said and gestured me to go to our classroom.

"GUUUUYSSS! Let's play TRUTH OR DAREEEEE!!" Claire shouted as we entered the room.

"GAME GAME!" I yelled back.
So we sat on the floor and Claire started to spin the bottle. And LUCKILY (mark my sarcasm please) it pointed at me. Gosh, am I that unlucky?

"Truth or dare Lily?" Kath asked. I answered dare.

"Okay I dare you to hug Gerald" she said. I rolled my eyes. That is like so easy, I mean duh we hug each other like I guess every day.

I stood up and hugged him. He hugged back (feeeeelsss) they were video-ing us and I feel so weird.

After that the bottle pointed at Ger. And he picked truth. Oh brave maderfaker.

"If you were to choose between Faye and Lily. Who would it be?" Angela asked him. I was shocked.

"Can I not listen to this?" This might hurt.
Is he going to choose me? I mean of course like duhhhh We're BEST FRIENDS. Who would choose CRUSH over FRIEND?

"I'll repeat Gerald. Faye or Lily?" Angela asked him again.

He was quiet. He couldn't answer. I should have expected this.
Of course, he doesn't have to choose one. It was Faye all along.

I stood up making all of them looked at me.

"I'm going" I said picking up my bag.
I headed towards the door and from my peripheral vision, I saw Ger stood up too.

I went out of the classroom, but he grabbed my arm and made me look at him.

"What's your problem?!" He asked me. I looked at him.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" I asked him. He looked at me curiously.

"What was what?" He asked.

"If you want to be with me. If you can't stop thinking about me! THEN WHY CAN'T YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ME AND FAYE HUH GER!?" I yelled at him.

"WHAT KIND OF HEART DO YOU HAVE!? DUAL SIM!?" I said mockingly.

"I never said I like her!" He said. I shook my head and laughed.

"AND YOU NEVER SAID YOU LIKE ME! " I reminded him.

"Where should I stand!?" I said to him. He stared at me, speechless.

"You can't love two people GER. You have to choose!" I said to him.

"I can't" he said. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS TO ME!? Why can't he just tell me what's on his mind!

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed out of rage.
I can really be a cussing machine sometimes.

"STOP HURTING ME! STOP IT! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHETHER YOU LIKE ME OR YOU LIKE FAYE!? I can't read your mind nor your heart ger! Just tell me. I'm so done with the p-pain" my voice broke as I said the last word. I can't take this anymore. This is stupid.

"I'm sorry" he said shaking his head. Wtf.

"SORRY!? THAT'S IT!? Please be clear to me. All I'm asking for is that YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON IN THAT FUCKING MIND OF YOURS! That's so simple!" I said crying. Why can't he just tell me everything?

"Are you done hurting me Gerald?" I said softly. He stared at me.

"THEN CHOOSE! Do you like FAYE?! Because if you do THEN IM GOING TO WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE! Because I don't want to be an option! I DONT WANT TO BE THE SECOND CHOICE! Because I DON'T DESERVE THAT!" I shouted at him.

" Please, I'm broken. I'm shattered. Let's end this" I ask him. He shook his head.

"Im sorry Lily. I don't want to lose Faye" he said. My tears dropped as he said those words. I knew it. It was going to be faye after all.

"But I don't want to lose you either" he said.
I stared at him, COLDLY.

"you just did" I said, nonchalantly.

You just did, you just lost me.

I walked away from him. And as I walk away from him, I can feel myself breaking into pieces.

Ian saw me while I was crying. He asked me if I was okay. I should have loved Ian instead. Less pain. I smiled at him and said I was okay.

I feel empty. I think the pain made me numb already. Right now I'm broken, lonely and shattered.

This is what you get for falling in love with your best friend.