Ink

Chapter Seventeen

His voice, when he finally spoke, was quiet and strained.

"Don't put that on me, don't ask me to put you in danger to prove a point."

He didn't get it.

"I grew up around an MC, Stix, you know that. I won't end up like my mother. My dad always said the only way to keep a woman was to keep her out of your club completely, I happen to think you can either tell your woman everything, or you can tell her nothing. I'd never get you completely if I didn't accept the club as a part of that package, and we will go nowhere if you insist on seeing me as some kind of damsel that you have to ship out of harm's way before you even formulate a plan. You'll get yourself killed if you live like that."

"Shit," he blew out the breath he'd been holding in a quiet resignation, "I know you're right. It's just, you know, the idea of you being there, I don 't want you near this shit, surely you understand that?"

"This shit is your life Stix. If it isn't Hellraisers, it will be Dane, or someone else. There will always be something standing between you and perfect fucking happiness. You can't click your fingers and expect us to live on cloud nine just because you wish it. It feels like my life has been on hold for three years already, don't ask for more of the same."

I hated admitting to that, hated that it was true, but somehow I had to make him understand how it changed my life when they left. I didn't blame him, or them, but I couldn't be left behind again. We didn't have any kind of future if I was to be shifted into safe-keeping every time their club drama kicked off, if anything that could make my life more dangerous in the long run. He looked broken as he sat back down, with his head in his hands , just staring at the floor between his feet.

"I just can't believe this. I can't believe its kicked off this quickly."

I moved to kneel between his feet and take his hands in mine, urging his eyes up to my face. I'd asked for a place next to him, and that worked both ways, I couldn't let him weather this storm and not step up to take his hand while he did it.

"Stix, you're not on your own in this. This is what it is, and we just have to keep focused. I'm not arguing with this, we're not running, not now, so what is the other plan? What happened last night, who was there?"

He lay back against the mattress, one arm thrown over his face as if he couldn't look into my eyes and think clearly at the same time.

""Tick'll be here in a minute," he breathed out heavily, turning to look at me, his eyes were so intense I could almost feel the touch of them on my face, "And he's got Scan as well, he's working on some tracking stuff, but the big guess is that Stones has them. I'm so sorry, babe, I feel like we've let you down, I just don't know what to fucking do or say or anything ..."

"If today has taught me nothing else, Stix, its that I need to know what's going on with this club if I'm going to be with you. Three years ago, if all of the cards had been laid out on the table, maybe it wouldn't have all turned out like it did. I don't suppose we'll ever know now. But I don't want to feel bombarded with this shit anymore, I can't take another revelation like the one this morning, Stix, we need to be honest with each other or we really don't have shit."

"Everything?"

"If you want me ..." I trailed off, because the idea of giving him an ultimatum scared the shit out of me, but I was only telling it like I saw it. I couldn't live in the shadows, behind closed doors, while the club made decisions about things that affected my life, and put the people I loved in danger. Part of me hated that club already – resented Stix and my brothers for putting me near another MC at all – but that brotherhood was such a big part of who they were that I could never ask any of them to give that up for me, even Stix. Because I knew I'd never keep them if that had been the ultimatum.