The Diary of Rebecca Elizabeth London (on hold)

6

May 20

"James!" I shouted into the yard from my window. I knew he could hear.

"Yeah?" he called, while walking closer.

"Here!" I threw a single rose—thornless, of course—down to him.

"You are just returning what you stole from my garden last week!" He smiled.

"Your garden? I believe that is my garden."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He copied me from so many months before, except he said it with a smile still planted firmly on his face. "Get your lazy butt out here!"

"Humph," I said, copying myself from back when I first met him. "No! You just insulted me, James Barnes!"

"Aw, come on. Please, Rebecca?"

"Well, all right, since you said please." I smiled, closed my window, and ran down the stairs and outside. I ran straight into his arms.

"Eww!" I said, as I noticed I was suddenly drenched in his sweat. He laughed and I smacked him playfully. "How dare you not warn me?"

"I would say sorry, but I am indeed not sorry."

"Jerk," I said.

"That I am." He knew that I was teasing him, so he smiled.

"You make me happy, you know that?"

"Yes, I think I do," he said.

"I wasn't happy when I was trying to hate you, or even before that. Ask Molly. I'm sure she'll tell you that she never saw me smile before I met you."

"Ah, but I think that would be an exaggeration." He took my hand and gave me a little twirl.

"It's really not," I told him. "I made myself so unhappy. I didn't hate you nearly as long as I thought I did. I was convincing myself that you weren't worth it—"

"Gee, thanks," he said, giving me a teasing smile.

I smiled back at him. "This would be so much easier if you would stop interrupting me! As I was saying, I was trying to push you away, but you're just as stubborn as I am."

"I wanted to hate you. Maybe hating you would have made my life easier."

"Hey!" I said.

He grinned at me. "Two can play this game! I saw no good in you at the beginning, but then I started to dig a little deeper. Believe me, I didn't mean to. And then I saw there was so much more to you than meets the eye. I told myself, 'Stop it! You hate her.' Until the day that I knew it wasn't true and that I loved you. You hide behind these walls of yours. Why did you put them up in the first place? Who hurt you so badly that you went about protecting yourself from everyone?"

"How...how did you know that?" I asked, hesitant to answer his questions.

"I told you, I know you."

I paused and took the time to look into his eyes, trying to find his motive. Finding it to be the purest of the pure, I proceeded, though not telling him everything. "Don't judge me, okay?"

"I would never."

I took a deep breath. "It was a long time ago. I had a very good friend. She was a few years older than me and she fell in love with this boy. I was so happy for her when they began a relationship. It seemed like he'd propose and they'd have their happy ever after." I didn't want to go much further than this, though I knew I had to.

James nodded encouragingly at me, and so I went on. "They dated for a few years, until the day she found him kissing her older sister. Apparently it wasn't the first time either. He cheated on her and it broke her heart. And then I was whisked away from London. I haven't heard from her since. She probably hates me."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Putting up the walls was. I decided that I'd make myself my sole focus. I would make sure I never got hurt like that. I surrounded myself with people I knew were not my friends. I was intent on marrying for wealth and power. I told myself that I would never fall in love. If I never let anyone in, they could never hurt me like that. But now I know that love requires risks, that what is lost is brought back tenfold, that it's all worth it. You taught me that."

"I am so sorry, Rebecca. I would never hurt you like that," he said slowly.

"I know." I smiled weakly at him and wiped away a few stray tears. I hugged him—not caring about the sweat this time—and melted within his embrace. He kissed my forehead and all I could think was "I could stay here forever."

May 27

Just as my fairy tale was going so smoothly, today something went desperately wrong and made it all come crashing down. Molly went for a walk and never came back. I feared that the same men that tried to kill me kidnapped her, or killed her and we just have not found the body. I cried, but fixed myself up nicely before James got here so he would not know I was crying earlier. James tried to give me a hug but I was so upset that I told him, "Don't touch me, you filthy commoner!" I realized who I was talking to then, and ran away. James chased me across the yard.

"Rebecca!" he called. I ran until I could run no more. I came to a stop under the same tree where he kissed me for the second time. Tears were running down my face. James followed and caught up to me.

"How can you stand to be around me?" I asked him. "I'm a horrible person!"

"No, you're not," he said gently. "I know you didn't mean what you said to me." He approached me slowly and engulfed me in a hug. I let him hug me this time. "We will find her," he had said. "Even if I have to go out and look for her myself. I swear to you we will find her, Rebecca."

Tears were flowing straight on to his shirt. "I'm ruining your shirt," I told him.

"I don't care about the shirt. I care about you, and Molly."

After that, we sat in silence. I so don't deserve him.

May 28

James set out to find Molly today. I begged him to take me with him, but he reminded me of what happened the last time. I cried as I waved farewell because I was not sure he was he going to come back either. I supposed that I had lost Molly already, but losing two of them, especially James, was unbearable to think about.

June 4

James is still not back yet. I have decided I will wait two more days, then I will go after them myself. I know what I said, but I cannot just leave them out there alone. This waiting is torture. Mother and Father have called the police but they have no clues so they cannot do anything.

June 6

Molly was at our doorstep tonight. She was bruised and crying, but otherwise unharmed. We were grateful. I asked her about James and she burst into tears once more. I did not wait to find out why she was crying that hard about him. I set out with just the clothes on my back and the notepad I was carrying. It might have been a suicide mission but I was not in the mood to care.

June 7

I now wish I had brought some food or something with me. I am grateful that I brought the paper. It keeps me busy and when I am writing, I feel less uneasy. I feel more in control of what is going on around me and I feel less worried about James.

I honestly did not think I would be out here this long. I am hungry and all wet because it rained today. I was debating whether or not to just go back home, but the thought of James all alone made me want to continue on.

June 12

Still no sign of James. I am hungry, but I have been okay out here by stealing scraps of food from trashcans. I never would have done this before, and now I am doing this for a boy, a boy who I thought I hated, at that!

June 15

I am so far from home as I am writing this. I thought of last year on this day, the first day that Mark started showing up at our house. I hated it then, but it does not bother me now. I actually miss him now, but I miss his brother more.