When You Least Expect It (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 16

Cody shifted Ben against his chest carefully, shushing the newborn and rocking him gently as he saw his tiny nephew stretching and felt him making some kind of noise. "No, no, it's okay big guy," he said quietly, trying his absolute hardest to soothe him.

Cody it's okay, they're good noises, not like he's going to cry noises, Alexis signed, unable to take her eyes off her little boy in her brother's arms.

"Oh..." Cody bit his lip, that at least being a relief, but now he just felt stupid.

He wasn't sure if he would ever learn to figure out what good noises felt like and how bad noises felt with babies and that was just one of a million things he couldn't do when it came to taking care of babies.

Hey, Alexis signed, getting Cody's attention and offering him a tight lined smile. What're you thinking about?

"How terrible of a father I'm gonna be," Cody muttered, almost hoping his sister didn't hear that.

Why do you keep saying that? You won't be Cody, you-

"Al I won't be able to hear her when she cries and I won't know when to help her, like if she's uncomfortable and making little whiny noises or if she's happy, and I'll never hear her call me dad or know the difference between the I'm hungry cries and I need to be changed cries and just-..." Cody shook his head, letting out a deep breath and looking down at his sleeping nephew in his arms. "Forget it, I don't want to talk about it..."

Alexis bit her lip as she looked at Cody, knowing he had to talk about this but whenever she tried to he just shut her down. Have you tried talking to TJ...?

"He doesn't want to talk to me," Cody said quietly. "He hasn't all week..."

Cody give him time, Alexis signed, not needing to remind her brother of how much he hurt TJ. She didn't expect him to forgive Cody right away, and she knows it's been two weeks since TJ left the flat, Alexis knew it would take some time before he moved back in.

"I've been trying, I swear... I've been calling and texting him every day, I've even been stopping by his parent's house just to see him, but he never answers the door, I just-... I don't know what to do," he said, adjusting Ben in his arms, offering the tiny baby a small smile as he saw him looking at him with his bright blue eyes.

Keep doing what you're doing, Alexis signed, at this point that seeming like the only option. Show him that you still care, bring him flowers, maybe write a cute little love letter and send it to his house, she suggested.

Cody hummed, that actually not being a bad idea at all. "Do you think like... Do you think they're better off without me? TJ and the baby?" he barely whispered, unable to pick his head up to look at his sister.

Cody don't you dare even think that, Alexis signed seriously. Your daughter needs her father and TJ needs you to be there with him, I really can't believe you just said that.

"Well it's not like I'll be much help with her, now will I?" Cody asked, finally meeting his sister's eyes and trying to hold everything in him to not let tears pool in his eyes. "I can't hear her when she's crying, I won't know when to pick her up and-"

Cody you're making excuses up, stop it, Alexis shook her head, not wanting to hear anymore of what he was going to say. Milo can get you when she cries and you'll learn as you go the little noises she makes and what they mean. You're not going to be super dad right away, it takes work and you have to be willing to put in that work, just stop trying to run away from all of this.

Cody let out a deep breath, shifting a squirming Ben in his arms and rubbing his back gently as he glanced down at Milo at his feet. He didn't look at it as him trying to run away, he was just terrified, he didn't know if he would be a good father to his daughter and be there to really help TJ because his deafness got in the way. Of course he wanted to be there for her and TJ, but he didn't know how, he didn't want to mess up and have the younger lad hate him more than he already does.