I hate you....but I love you

Realizing my problems

*Harrys' P.O.V.*
I couldn't do it anymore. I was no longer going to take the abuse at school and at home with Niall. Sure he was a jock and treated everyone this way but not as bad as me. As Niall walked of my door I looked down to see my bleeding arms. Yes I cut. I started it because it's what I do when I feel numb. I didn't always used to do this. It started when I was a freshman and Niall and his two friends Louis, and Liam started bullying me and beating me up. My mum and especially Nialls' dad doesn't know about any of this. They'd get mad at Niall and probably ground him forever and as soon as forever was over Niall would come and beat the shit out of me.

I saw Niall walk past my room as he hurried out the door. Probably to go hook up with the post-it. Yes I was quiet at school and nobody talks to me but I do hear gossip. I noticed I was home alone, left with my own thoughts. I can't take any more of the shit that my step-brother puts me through. It's horrible. Does he think it's funny to call someone fat, a nerd, ugly, etc.? Does it make him feel superior? What if he had to go through all of this? All the bullying? All my problems? Has he, or will he ever be in my place? No.

As I stood up from my bed and started pacing around my room I let the tears fall down my cheeks. I can't help it. I saw my laptop and I slowly opened it up. I turned the video camera on and say on my bed facing it. I couldn't help but let the tears fall as I spoke.

"This is Harry Styles.... otherwise known as the school geek or nerd."
I took my shirt of slowly, reveling my tattooed upper half. I slowly started speaking again.
"I don't know why everyone hates me. What have I done to you? I haven't done anything. Maybe you all hate me because Niall Horan and his friends hate me. Why shouldn't they? I hate me too."
I began to cry a little bit but tried to stop being weak in front of the camera. I slowly gathered my thoughts again and began to speak.
"I'm not mad at anyone for doing this to me because I would do it to me too. I've been hit, I've been talked about, I've been abused, and I've been bullied and now.... I just don't care. I don't see a reason for even trying anymore. I don't care if they hit me.....I don't care if they laugh.....I don't care if I breathe....I don't care if I live anymore.........I just don't care. This is goodbye I guess.....so bye."

I stopped the video recording and posted it to my wall. I paced a few more times around my room before heading to my bathroom. As I gathered every medication I could find I started taking the caps off. I went with the first bottle....I poured 5 pills in my hand and poured them into my mouth. I swallowed them as I took more pills. I started to feel more and more drowsy as I took more and more pills. As I sat on the floor I scribbled a note as fast as I could.
Dear mum and Bobby,
By the time you read this or even see this I will be gone. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was tired of my thoughts, I was tired of the bullying, I was tired of being a punching bag, of being abused at school. I was just tired. Cutting didn't help anymore, neither did the drinking, or the drugs, nothing helped. My eating disorder got worse, and my depression got worse. My thoughts still kept going and my mind still raced. I'm so sorry that it had to end this way mum and Bobby. I wasn't always like this. I promise. I just couldn't take the cruel world anymore. So I left. Niall caused none of this and please don't blame him or yourselves. I know I didn't say it Bobby but you're a great husband to my mum. I love you Bobby. I love you Niall. I love you mum.
Love, Harry
I laid the paper and pen next to me as I slowly started drifting away. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I saw nothing but darkness.

*Nialls P.O.V.*
As I drove home the video kept playing in my mind. Over and over and over again. Did I do this to him? Did I make him feel this way? I thought to myself as I drove down the street. I quickly pulled over to the side of the street as I dialed 999 on my phone.
"999 what's your emergency?" the lady asked as she answered my phone call.
"I need an ambulance sent to my house. I think my step-brother is trying to kill himself." I answered in a panic. She asked the regular questions and I gave her our address before I quickly hung up.