An Approaching Goodbye

Chapter 1- Weak

Memory's P.O.V.

I nodded, tears filling my eyes. "You have to understand, Miss Dawni. There's nothing more we can do. We've finally got to give up. The disease... It's just too much. You have two more years left."

My aunt was next to me, a sobbing mess. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Dawni. There really is nothing more! I wish there was something I could do. Trust me, if there was, I'd do it in a heartbeat. We just can't support her anymore. The heart disease is just too far developed." My face was pressed into my hands. My aunt, Carol, was hugging me as tight as she could.

So, I only had two years left? It felt so fast, my life. And now, I had so little time. Where did everything go?

Aunt Carol cried on me as I pressed my face into my hands, too pained to look up. We sat there for an eternity, thinking. Thinking about how the final sweet release of death would feel.

It's not that I'm depressed, I have my aunt who loves me, my best friend Bo, and great grades. It's just that I constantly have awful heart pains. In a matter of two years, it won't hurt anymore.

We left the building, my aunt a weeping, shaking mess. I wasn't crying simply because I had spent forever preparing for this. I cried when I needed to. I didn't feel like crying, anymore. I felt like it was finally time to accept fate.

Aunt Carol needed help into the car, too shaky to open the door. "I'll drive, Aunt Carol. You need to rest." It was funny; I should be the sobbing mess and she should be comforting me.

"If you're gone, I'll... I'll be all alone again! Please, God, don't take her away! Let her stay with me!" My aunt was very religious. While I spent my days preparing for my last, she spent them praying so that there would never be a last. I was on my last miracle.

My aunt reached for my hand. "Memory... How are you so calm?" she asked.

"I have cried what I needed to. I accepted my path, now. It'll be okay, Aunt Carol." She shook her head.

"No! It won't! I'll find the best doctors there are! I'll find someone, dammit! Someone has to know how to help you! That doctor can go suck a dick because you will live! It's not too late!" I shook my head, my hands on the steering wheel as I drove.

"That's not how it works, Aunt Carol. Nobody can help me now."

When we got home, I went upstairs to call Bo and tell her. She needed to know first. Not like my prostitute of a mother or drunk father would care. They never have. Why would they start now?

I punched in her number, waiting for someone to pick up. She knew that I was at the doctor's place, but she didn't know I was going to die.

Bo is my older sister, a college girl. She's always been very healthy and strong, where as I have been in and out of hospitals for Heart Disease my entire life. It isn't exactly fun, watching other kids play while you had medicine pumped into you.

Bo picked up.

"Hey, Memory. How's it hanging?" she asked in a relaxed voice.

I cleared my throat, took a few deep breaths, and answered.

"Hey, Bo. How's it going for you?" I asked.

"Pretty awesome. My boyfriend and I just got an apartment together."

"That's great..." I sighed, a pained voice. I was terrified about how upset she'd be.

"Well, who pissed in your cheerios? Is there something wrong? ... If it's because of my boyfriend, don't be upset. I know you'll find someone good for you someday." It's almost kind of funny. I won't be able to find a guy someday, because of what I needed to tell her.

"Bo it's not that." I half-snapped.

"Okay, jeez... Then what is it?"

"... I'm down to my last two years." Wow, I could have said that a lot better. I mean, I'm telling my sister that I'm going to die while she's in a good mood and probably relaxing. How horrible was I?

The other end was silent, until it was made clear the phone was being blocked or shoved into her chest. A faint but pained sobbing was heard on the other end.

"Why can't they just get you a new heart, Memory?! People can do that! That's a thing, I've read about it! It's called heart transplant!"

"Bo, it would take a long time just to find a heart. It isn't every day someone dies and ends up donating their heart. Besides, the doctors say my body would reject the heart. It wouldn't be any good."

Bo continued to sob into the phone, babbling different solutions. I shot down every one and told her why. I felt awful, knowing I was destroying my sister like this.

I've been preparing myself for years upon years for this, so it isn't hitting me too hard. There's just simply nothing else that can be done. Sometimes, life ends before it really begins.

When Bo finally stopped trying to give me solutions, I sighed.

"It's really weird, Bo, but you and Aunt Carol are so much more upset about this than I am. Obviously I don't want to die, but of there's nothing they can do, I have to understand this. I've prepared myself for a long time." I tried to sound comforting, letting her know I'm not afraid.

"Memory... Carol and I had a glimmer of hope. A glimmer that maybe, perhaps you'd make it. That you'd beat this thing and... We could watch you grow up and get married and have kids... You won't even get to start college..." she sobbed.

Ater a very long conversation, I hung up. I collapsed on my bed, staring the ceiling. I wasn't afraid to die. In my mind personally, that's weakness. But I guess I'm used to being weak.