Love is a Labyrinth

          Why do I do this to myself? Dream that is. Why do I dream of gazing into her hazel eyes and adoring each little freckle. Dream of tasting her sweet lips and listening as they convince me she's made of the purest cane sugar. As if any of that could happen on a night plagued by a callous thunderstorm like the one that surrounds me now. I dream of smelling the bouquet of peonies she's kept on a mahogany stand in her foyer since our first date. Instead all I smell is the damp earth mixed with the remnants of expensive cologne.

          Every time I close my eyes I see her standing here with me in the rain and I'm jealous. Jealous of the way her clothes cling to her soft skin. Jealous of the way the wind caresses every strand of her beautiful brown hair. When my eyes are open they imagine every night she didn't spend alone, which isn't any better, and again I'm jealous. I always wished her the best, no hard feelings, nothing for her to forgive. It's not easy to say but there's nothing about her that I don't miss. Nothing about her that isn't something I want back.


          If she opens this door it may ruin the perfect image of her in my head.

          Knock.

          Is it better to dream and never pursue or to pursue and never achieve that dream?

          Knock.

          Will the pursuit of happiness ever actually make me happy?

         Knock.

          The light comes on and footsteps can be heard behind the door. A wave of fear washes over me as I gasp for air and try to calm my nerves. Oh God the moments actually here! What do I say?! The door creaks open and we stand there in silence. It takes all I have to keep my mouth from falling open. The flowers I had given her were long dead but hadn't been removed or replaced which struck me as odd. The intricately naïve scene from my dreams was nowhere to be found. Rather before me was the opposite; a woman whose eyes were dark and heavy, whose lips were dry and cracked and whose hair was a mess. Yet in this moment she was more perfect than ever before, and just as I opened my mouth in attempt to tell her how I'd missed her and felt sorry and that she was right to leave she rushed out into the rain and embraced me.

         To this day I am unsure if she was crying or not but tears were shed in that moment because as long as she was mine I'd never be jealous again.