Hey, well this isn't really an art update, more like I just need to write what I feel right now.......
This might just be all a ramble and it's probably not going to make sense but.......
Ok so I'm crying right now because I feel like I'm a failer, not matter how hard I try to be nice, to not be selfish, to work hard, to do good in school.......it never works......now matter how hard I TRY!!! The only things I'm good at is art and being stupid! And I'm not the best child my parents could have, my sister was always the most perfect kid.......me on the other hand......all I do is disappoint my parents.........I get bad grades in everything no matter how hard I try to focus in class......and the stress to try and make my parents proud of me is on me all the time, AND I JUST CAN'T TAKS IT! It's to much!!! It hurts! And with my grades I'll never become a teacher like I want to! I just won't......because I'm to much of an idiot.......a stupid stupid idiot!!!! I struggle in almost everything! I don't know how to fix this.........I just DON'T KNOW!!!
And I'm ugly.........and fat......I don't even know how my friends and boyfriend could ever love me.......cause no matter what I do this weight won't go away!!! And the only way I can look pretty is if I where make-up!!!
I'm breaking inside, I'm falling apart........and the worst part is I don't even have my dog daisy with me to comfort me, to make me feel like I can do this.......she died 3 years ago.....and 3 years ago I use to do good in school!!! Whatever happened!? 3 years ago I stopped doing good? 3 YEARS AGO I COULDN'T STOP PLAYING THE COMPUTER, 3YEARS AGO I NEVER PAYED ATTENTION TO DAISY! SHE LAID BESUDE ME THE WHOLE TIME AND I NEVER EVEN GLANCED!! HIW COULD I HAVE BEEN SUCH A BITCH TO HER!? and I regret all, ALL of it.........I'd i could spend one more day with if tell how sorry i am, I'd tell her I love her........I WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER SIDE!!!! I WOULDN'T BE A BITCH!!! I'm sorry daisy, I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'm sorry daisy I'M SORRY DAISY! I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!I'M SORRY DAISY!..........I miss you so much.........I wish you were still here with me........I loved you so much!!! I still do!!! And everyday I think your going to be just to come and not see you!!!! I tell myself your not gone, I say your still here! I keep saying I'll see you again!!!!! BUT I NEVER DO!!!! And it's torture! It's torture...........
My dad isn't even home a lot......he's always in a different country cause he needs to make money for the family!! I only see him 1 a month!!! And I miss him, we use to play bored games ever day together......now when he is home he goes on the computer to try and find a job close to us.......I miss him.......I want my daddy back......I want him back so badly.......
My sister will move out soon too......and she will be taking my cat Latcent with her.......I'll barely be able to see Latcent anymore......nor will I be able to see my sister.......and my sister is like a best friend to me, no matter what I can always talk to her......and soon she'll be gone.......and it will just be me and my mom.......and me and my mom don't get along to much.......my family is falling apart and I'm scared........I don't want my sister to leave......
I get bullied a lot too......last year I got harassed by some boys.......I won't go into details......but it got so bad I was crying and I had to go to the office......people call me fat, and ugly.....they say my drawings are bad.......that I'm a failer......that I suck......and their all right........every single word that comes out of their mouth is right........
People want me to break up with my boyfriend cause he's ugly........those people can go to FUCKING HELL!!! I love my boyfriend.....and he's not fucking ugly.......I will not break up with him for such a stupid reason!!!!!
I want to die.......but I can't......if I would kill myself then to many people who care about me would be sad......and I only want people to smile and be happy, I'll put their happiness before mine always! I guess they are the only reason I keep myself alive.........
Thank you for listening.......i just need to get that out......bye.....my kitty's
(( update))
I just tried to watch a movie with my sis and mum..........to try and cheer myself up.......they were both to tired to do so..........I guess when people are upset I'm always there to cheer them up.......but when I'm upset.......no one is there for me.......
